


Let the Human In

by rainbowchristy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Doctor Phil Lester, Drug Addiction, Eventual Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Human Trafficking, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:22:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28810326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowchristy/pseuds/rainbowchristy
Summary: It's just a regular workday for Phil. Doing rounds with his patients, helping out with the occasional emergency department case. The only difference? He has one new patient in the ED. One found unconscious on the street. One who starts throwing up from seemingly nothing. One, with a very dark backstory and no hope for the future.Or, Dan is being sex trafficked and Phil's a psych resident who just wants to help, even if everyone around him is telling him he's too invested.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 34
Kudos: 44





	1. Treatment Three

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is heavily inspired by the character Danny Jones from Chicago Med but you don't need to know anything about the show to read this!
> 
> This is a dark fic, be warned! Trigger warnings will be at the start of each chapter. Please tell me if I miss one, as always!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my new fic! There won’t be an update schedule because I’m far too inconsistent for that but the goal is a chapter a week!
> 
> TW: Prisons, mentions of eating disorders, mentions of illicit drugs & references to withdrawal.

Phil sighs as he tugs on his puffy jacket. He’s not excited for today at all. Dr Forrest is taking him to H.M.P. Pentonville. It’s partially for his exposure therapy and mostly for the prisoners who need psychotherapy. Either way, he’s nervous.

“You ready, Dr Lester?” Ruby, or Dr Forrest, as Phil always calls her, asks.

“Yep, just need to grab my backpack.”

Dr Forrest nods, collecting her own things from the locker as Phil grabs his backpack from her office.

“Do you have the files?” he asks when he gets back.

She lifts her briefcase in answer and they head off, waving to a few of the nurses as they go.

It doesn’t take long to arrive at the prison and Phil can feel his heartbeat speeding up a little. His hands are clammy and he knows the signs of his lingering anxiety.

“We’re here,” Dr Forrest says, unbuckling her seatbelt. Phil follows suit.

They go inside and Dr Forrest greets some of the guards, talking to one briefly about his kid that can’t sleep through the night.

The two take their coats off and put all their belongings into a tray to be x-rayed.

Phil realises he’s drumming his fingers along his thigh and forces himself to stop. He’s been trying hard to stop his nervous ticks but some are harder to kick than others.

After they’re through the metal detectors, Phil is introduced to Officer Carter.

“He’ll be our escort for today,” Dr Forrest explains.

“Nice to meet you,” Phil says, holding out his hand. Officer Carter has a firm grip and Phil’s hand is a little sore afterwards. He shakes it out after the man turns away and starts leading them down the hallway.

“First time?” Officer Carter asks.

“Um, yeah.”

“You’ll be alright,” he says, smiling. “Just don’t feed the animals.”

Phil wants to ask what he means by that – whether it’s a joke or not – but decides it’s best not to.

“Oh, and sign the visitor waver,” he adds. Phil is passed a clipboard and a pen.

He skims over the paper quickly before looking at Dr Forrest, confused.

“Basically it says that if we get held captive, the police won’t negotiate our release.”

She says this so calmly as she flicks through her files that Phil thinks he misheard her. But he knows he didn’t.

“It’s just standard procedure,” she adds as if it’s nothing.

Phil looks back at the form, unsure if he should even sign it. What happens if he refuses anyway?

“Hey,” Dr Forrest says, putting her hand on Phil’s arm to stop him walking. “Your determination to try exposure therapy is nothing short of admirable. But that doesn’t mean we have to do it here. So if you’re having second thoughts, now would be the time to tell me,” she says.

Phil debates agreeing with her, saying that this is too much too fast. But, well, he’s always been stubborn. Once he’s set his mind to something, he has to see it through.

“No,” he says, looking her in the eye so she knows he’s serious. “This is what I want.” He looks down and signs the form without letting himself overthink his decision anymore.

~~~~

The prison visit goes reasonably. It doesn’t go well by any stretch of the imagination, but Phil’s proud to say he makes it through the whole thing in one piece. He has to leave before they even really begin, which is really disheartening for Phil. He really thought he could do it but the first prisoner they try to see doesn’t stop lunging at him and literally _barking_. Phil has to leave before he has a full-blown panic attack.

Dr Forrest is able to comfort him, luckily, and they continue. Phil reminds of what she told him while they sat outside and Phil calmed himself down.

“The funny thing is, you’re scared of him but he’s terrified of you. He’s scared of what you’ll find.”

After that, Phil goes back in with a new lens to look through. The prisoner tries to frighten him again and gets annoyed when it doesn’t work. But Phil keeps asking questions and, eventually, the man answers.

It’s funny, really, because Phil never thought he’d end up where he is: a psych resident. He hadn’t really planned to stay in London after he finished university. But the hospital had offered him a placement and he just couldn’t refuse. It’s a massive opportunity, after all.

The only downside? Pathology turned out to _not_ be his calling, despite how much work he put into the field during his degree. He found a job in a coffee shop to make enough to cover his rent – with a little help from his parents – and left his placement at the hospital. It was at the coffee shop that he met Dr Forrest, the head of psychiatry at the University College Hospital.

Phil had never considered psychiatry before that but, after some persuasion, agreed to give it a go. As it turns out, helping people manage their mental health is his true calling. Sure, it takes a lot of work – and sometimes Phil’s not sure he’s doing the right thing – but when he sees someone leave the hospital with a new outlook on life, it’s all worth it.

~~~~

“Dr Lester!” Kyle calls, waving him down. Kyle is another resident at the University College Hospital. He is a general ED resident, though. They were good mates during their degree and have remained friends due to working in the same place.

“What’s up?” he asks, turning to face Kyle. He was heading to continue his rounds; next up was a young girl with severe bulimia.

“We’ve got a case in the ED,” Kyle tells him. Phil nods and starts heading towards the elevator with him. He puts his tablet back into his pocket as he won’t be needing it for now.

“What do we know?”

“Not much. A good samaritan found him unconscious in an alleyway and brought him in.”

They get into the elevator after the doors open. Kyle pushes ‘G’ and the elevator doors close.

“He woke up and wouldn’t talk. He freaked when I tried to examine him and the nurses had to sedate him when he wouldn’t calm down.”

“So you’re thinking it’s psychological?”

“That’s why I got you, yeah.”

They step out of the elevator and into the emergency department. It’s always chaotic but Phil’s learnt how it all works. Basically, stay to the sides or risk getting run over by a fast-moving gurney.

“Did you talk to Dr Forrest?”

Kyle nods. “Yeah. She said to find you ‘cause she had something to deal with.”

Phil hums. “You said he’s sedated. Is he awake yet?”

“Should be waking up any second. In treatment three. Here,” Kyle informs, passing Phil the tablet with the patient’s limited details on it.

Phil somehow forgot that patients have tablets in the ED, rather than files that are shared between doctors. It makes sense, though. Information may need to be handed around quickly and if there are any technical problems, it could cause issues.

He reads through the notes – which is almost entirely the medications he’s been given – and sighs. _This is gonna be tough_ , he thinks to himself.

Nurse Abi is in the room checking the patient’s vitals when he comes in. Phil can tell she’s being careful not to touch him. The boy – or man, more likely – has curly brown hair and pale skin, almost as pale as Phil’s own complexion.

“Hello, I’m Dr Lester. Can you tell me your name?” he asks in his most comforting and reassuring voice.

The boy looks up at him before quickly looking back down.

“If it helps, you can call me Phil, I don’t mind,” he tries again.

The boy says nothing.

“I’m told you were found unconscious and brought in. Can you remember what happened?”

The boy shakes his head and Phil’s silently proud of himself for getting something out of him, even if it’s as small as a head shake.

“Okay, well, you’re in the emergency department at the University College Hospital.”

Nurse Abi leaves and Phil adjusts the curtain behind her, making sure no one can see in.

When the boy doesn’t reply, Phil has to hold in a sigh. He knows any signs of boredom or frustration never help the patient and only make them less trusting.

“Are you from London?” Phil asks, trying to make conversation.

He takes a seat on the stool next to him.

When the boy doesn’t answer, Phil tries another tactic. “I’ve been here for five years. Um, I’m from a small town near Manchester, and I still totally hate the traffic. I thought Manchester was bad but London is a whole new level. I mean, they don’t even let you park in the city it’s that bad,” Phil says, chuckling a little at the end.

The boy looks up briefly before quickly looking back at the wall opposite Phil.

“I hate the traffic,” he says. His voice is rough.

Phil smiles. “Yeah?” After a pause, Phil tries again. “Where are you from?”

“Reading,” he says, glancing at Phil again.

“Ah, okay.” Phil stays silent then and the man speaks up, unprompted.

“I have a sister named Phil. Philis.”

“No kidding,” Phil says, laughing lightly. “What’s your name?”

The boy, who’s on his side and clutching his belly, rolls onto his back.

“Dan,” he chokes out, coughing afterwards.

“Dan, did you say?”

The boy nods and Phil smiles at him.

“You said you can’t remember how you ended up here,” Phil says, focussing the conversation again. “Dr Baker said you don’t have any external injuries but you’re clutching your stomach a lot. Would you like me to take a look at it?”

Dan looks up and into his eyes before looking away again a moment later. He shakes his head. “When can I go? I need to leave,” he says, suddenly trying to sit up.

Phil raises his hands to stop Dan but doesn’t touch him. “Not for a little while yet, I’m afraid.” He pauses. “Is your voice usually this hoarse?”

Dan shakes his head.

“Well, I’d definitely like to check your throat if that’s okay with you. Can you think of anything you’ve eaten recently that could cause this? Something rough that you didn’t chew well enough, perhaps?”

“Y–yeah,” Dan answers, clutching his stomach again as his face flits with pain.

“Is your stomach hurting too?”

Dan nods, pinching his face again.

“Could I please take a look?” Phil notices the distrust in his eyes. “We just want to help you, remember,” he says, reassuring.

After a long pause, the boy slowly nods.

“Thank you,” Phil says as he stands to grab some disposable gloves. “Is it alright if I feel the sides of your neck? I’ll check your stomach after.”

After Dan nods, Phil reaches out and sticks his fingers under Dan’s jaw, feeling his lymph nodes. Phil notes that his heartbeat is unreasonably fast. He assumes Dan is afraid of hospitals or doctors, which would make sense given his eagerness to leave.

“Your throat feels fine. You said you know what may have caused your hoarseness?”

Dan hums in agreement.

“Would you mind telling me?” Phil asks next since Dan clearly isn’t taking the hint that he’s supposed to tell Phil what it was.

Instead of a response, the man groans in pain. “Yes,” he hisses out.

Albeit surprised, Phil nods. “That’s okay. We’ll do this at your pace.” After a pause, Phil continues his examination. “Open your mouth, please,” he requests, mini-torch in hand to see down the boy’s throat. 

After using a tongue depressor to flatten Dan’s tongue, he can see better.

“It looks a little irritated but there’s not much we can do about that, I’m afraid. We can give you some pain relief if it’s hurting, though.”

Dan shakes his head at the offer of medicine. “I can’t feel it over my stomach,” he answers.

Phil nods. “Is it okay if I feel your belly to see if I can work out what’s happening?”

After receiving consent, he feels the boy’s abdomen. Everything felt normal until he felt the boy’s pelvis.

“I can definitely feel something there. We’ll get you some more pain relief and discuss with your doctor what’s next, okay?”

Dan nods.

“Okay. You just sit tight for now and I’ll let your doctor know.” Phil pulls his gloves off. “It was nice to meet you, Dan,” he says, smiling as he pulls the curtain open. He sanitises his hands as he leaves.

“Well?” Kyle asks, taking the tablet back from Phil.

“I can’t really tell much at the moment. His name’s Dan and he’s from Reading. Give him some meds for the pain and call for an ultrasound machine. We need to work out where the pain’s coming from. Have a nurse get him some water and come find me once you’ve got the test results. I’ll talk to him more when he’s not in pain anymore.”

Kyle nods. “On it.”

Phil turns to head back to the elevator and pulls his tablet out. He sees that Dan’s file has been shared with him. After checking the time, he makes his way to the recreation room in the psychiatric wing of the hospital, looking for one of his patients.

~~~~

His tablet pings, telling him that one of his files has been updated. He sorts the files by when they were edited and sees Dan’s file first in the list. He opens it up, seeing that there’s still very limited information. There’s no last name, date of birth, relatives or any of the other information ED doctors usually try to get within the first five minutes of talking to a patient.

Phil decides to stop by Dr Forrest’s office to get some advice. He knows she isn’t seeing a patient at the moment.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” he asks as he opens the door after knocking.

“Dr Lester,” she says happily, “my favourite psych resident.”

Phil rolls his eyes. “I’m the only psych resident.”

“And therefore, my favourite. Anyways, what can I do for you?” she says, laughing. She collects the papers on her desk into a pile and puts them to the side, giving Phil her full attention.

“There’s a boy– man– we don’t know how old he is. Anyway, he’s in the ED and I’m not really sure what to do with him. He came in unconscious and Kyle said he freaked out when he tried to examine him. I got him to tell me his name, which is Dan, and to let me do a brief physical exam, but I’m not really sure where to go from there.”

She nods and thinks for a few seconds. “Do you think it’s a psychiatric problem?”

Phil sighs. “I guess,” he says, sounding incredibly unsure. “Honestly, I don’t know. No normal person would freak at being examined in a freaking hospital; we’re here to help him after all. And his extreme shyness is a bit concerning. We gave him some pain meds but Kyle just noted in his file that Dan won’t let him do the ultrasound which would really help us find the cause for his abdominal pain.”

“Be careful when using the word ‘normal’, remember. Our patients are often scared and feel alone in the world. Labelling them as abnormal or weird won’t help treat them; it’ll only break their trust,” Dr Forrest says, reprimanding.

“I know, sorry.”

She moves on. “As for his fear of being touched, he let you touch him, didn’t he?”

Phil nods.

“Well, maybe he’d let you do the ultrasound. Explain to him why it’s important and make sure you have clear, verbal permission to continue. If there is something psychiatric going on here, it’s important that he feels in control of his treatment.”

Phil nods. “Okay, I’ll go give that a go. Thanks,” he says, turning to leave.

Just as he’s walking through the door, Dr Forrest calls him back. “Keep me posted, will you?”

“Of course,” Phil says, smiling, before closing the door.

He seriously hopes Dan will let him perform the ultrasound; he thinks it’ll be really helpful in treating whatever Dan passed out from.

“Hiya, Dan,” Phil greets happily as he rubs the hand sanitiser into his skin.

Dan nods in greeting but doesn’t say anything.

“Okay,” he says as he takes a seat. “So when I left earlier, I asked Dr Baker to do an ultrasound of your belly to see if we could work out what’s causing the pain,” Phil explains, waiting for Dan’s response before continuing.

After a nod, he does.

“I’m told you refused to let him. Can I ask why?”

Dan looks uncomfortable as he shifts around. “I don’t want people touching me,” he answers. His voice sounds a bit clearer, which is good news; the water must have helped.

“That’s okay. I don’t like people touching me either,” Phil informs, smiling. “You let me touch you earlier, though. Would you let me do the ultrasound?”

Phil sees the sceptical look Dan gives him for at least ten seconds.

“We’re just trying to help you, remember,” Phil reminds.

After another few seconds, Dan gives a slight nod.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Dan says quietly.

“Thank you,” Phil says, smiling at him. “I’ll just go get the machine and I’ll be right back, okay?”

After another nod, Phil leaves the room, locating the machine and carting it back to treatment three. Phil pulls the curtain closed behind him, making sure no one can see if they walk past. He cleans his hands again with sanitiser before pulling on some gloves.

“I’m going to lift your shirt now, okay?” he says, waiting for Dan’s permission.

Once he nods, Phil continues.

“Okay, the jelly might be a little cold on your belly but it won’t hurt.”

Phil waits again for Dan’s nod before squirting the ultrasound gel onto his abdomen. Dan’s stomach twitches at the cool temperature but Phil pays no mind; it’s a fairly normal reaction.

After preparing the wand, he gets confirmation from Dan again. The boy, to his credit, hasn’t snapped at Phil for asking if he’s okay so many times. In all honesty, he looks comforted by Phil’s persistent questioning. Any other patient would likely snap at him to ‘get on with it’ but Dan is silent and accommodating.

He presses the wand to Dan’s belly and begins moving it around, looking at the grainy picture for anything out of the ordinary. After he changes the density level, he locates the problem.

He switches the machine off and gets permission again before wiping the jelly off Dan’s stomach. After cleaning the equipment, he takes a seat in the chair next to Dan’s bed.

“Well, you’re quite constipated but we can give you some medicine for that,” Phil informs.

Dan blushes – which is a normal response to the admittedly common diagnosis – and shakes his head. “Don’t bother,” he says.

“Why not?”

“No money,” Dan answers, shrugging.

“Do you have insurance? They’d cover it.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t need it.”

“Oh,” Phil says, surprised. Everyone needs health insurance. “Okay then. Well, try and eat lots of fibre and drink water. It should clear up on its own if you do that. You can take over-the-counter pain relief if it’s uncomfortable.”

Dan nods before curling in on himself. Phil spots the big jacket sitting on the chair opposite him.

“You said you’re from reading?” Phil asks, confirming what he was told earlier.

Dan nods and looks at him. Phil nods towards the jacket. “I just don’t like the cold,” he says, answering Phil’s unspoken question.

“Me either, which is funny since I’m from up North. Never did like it though, even as a kid.”

Dan smiles, seemingly enjoying the focus not being on him for once.

“I like snow though. Do you?”

Dan shakes his head and Phil laughs.

“That’s probably smart. I mean, who likes snow but hates the cold? Scientists should, like, invent snow for warm weather,” Phil says, letting his thoughts wander.

Dan laughs for the first time since they met. “You mean rain?”

Phil grins, laughing lightly. “No! Rain’s all wet and gross. Snows like, I don’t know, majestic,” he says, his words coming out as a question.

“Majestic snow?” Dan asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Don’t judge me!” Phil blushes a little at his silly thoughts. Sometimes he gets a bit side-tracked and rambles, mind hopping from thought to thought.

His thoughts are stopped, though, by Dan’s sudden and violent retching. 

Phil pulls the curtain back and tells the first nurse he sees, “Get Dr Baker.”

After that’s done, he rushes to grab a kidney dish from the small pile kept in every room for situations exactly like this.

Seconds later, a nurse is in the room helping him. She takes over holding the dish just as Dan throws up again.

“What’s going on?” Kyle asks as he rushes into the room, pulling gloves on.

“I don’t know.”

Kyle grabs the stethoscope to check Dan’s chest.

“Dan, do you know what’s going on?” Phil asks clearly, leaning over so he can see Dan’s face. He’s curled in on himself away from Phil, making it difficult.

Dan nods and Phil feels himself start to panic. He has a feeling that whatever this is is very serious and more than just constipation.

“Dan?” The boy looks up at him, clearly terrified.

Phil soothes him as best as he could. “We just want to help you, remember.”

“H–heroin,” he whispers, clutching his stomach and throwing up some more.

Phil stands still, shocked, before correcting his stance. “Sorry, did you say–”

“Heroin,” Dan confirms before Phil can finish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! I’m super excited to write this :D
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](https://rainbowchristy.tumblr.com/)!


	2. Dan's Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter! Hope you enjoy!
> 
> TW: References to self-harm, mentions to attempted suicide, mentions of schizophrenia & mentions of sex trafficking.

After checking the time, Phil realises that Dr Forrest will be doing her rounds. Since he has his own patients and own rounds to do, he decides to do that first and then check in with Ruby.

He heads for Luke’s room, knowing he’ll be in there. He’s a new patient, not allowed to leave his room just yet.

He came into the ED too, his mother frantic behind him. He was on a gurney and there was a medic pushing him and another medic applying pressure to his bloody wrists.

He became Phil’s patient pretty quickly. One of the doctors stitched him up and from there, it was up to Phil for his treatment. After a quick consult, he was all but certain the boy had major depression. It wasn’t until he talked to Ruby – and had her accompany him on a check-up – that he realised he missed something. During their second meeting – the one in which Dr Forrest joined them – the boy started screaming, insisting ‘they’ were coming to get him.

After a mild sedative, the boy was calmer and Phil learnt he had vivid auditory and visual hallucinations. Considering he was seventeen, Phil decided he was experiencing early symptoms of schizophrenia. Dr Forrest agreed with his new diagnosis.

After talking to Luke’s mother to get a more detailed history, they learnt she somehow forgot to mention her schizophrenic sister. With that in mind, they asked for permission to section Luke for formal treatment. She complied easily, which was a nice change. So many patients come in and insist they know more than the people who had gone through at least six years of training.

Phil knocks on the door and pushes it open.

“Hey, Luke,” he greets, smiling.

The boy looks up, grumpy. He still hasn’t settled into the hospital environment and is rigid with all the staff. He doesn’t want to be there – doesn’t think he _needs_ to be – and he makes that very clear.

“Phil,” he answers in greeting. He’s picking at the bandages on his wrist.

 _Nothing dangerous_ , Phil decides. _Probably a nervous habit._

“How are we feeling today?”

Luke huffs. “Fine.”

Phil glances at his tablet for the notes from his nurse. “It says here that you’ve made no efforts to engage and better yourself. Do you want to tell me why?”

“What do you think, _doctor_?” he snaps, mocking Phil’s title.

“Well, I’m not in your head, so I can’t know for certain. But my best guess is that you’re embarrassed you tried to take your own life and you’re scared of what’s going to happen here at the hospital if you accept help,” Phil says, explaining what he’s thinking.

It’s not a tactic he uses often. Most of the time it feels rude to do in case he’s wrong. But with Luke, his other tactics hadn’t worked and he seems to respond best to this one.

When Luke doesn’t answer, Phil pushes on. “The voices and figures are probably telling you that you don’t deserve help and support and you’re choosing to listen to them.”

“I’m not choosing to!” Luke snaps before closing his mouth with his hand and dropping his head back onto the pillows with a quiet groan.

Luke’s clever, he’ll give him that, but Phil has strategies that help him get answers from even his least-willing patients. Saying ‘choosing’ pisses Luke off and gets him to respond. Sure, it’s not exactly a good response, but Phil knows getting something is better than nothing.

“For the record, you do deserve help and support,” Phil says, returning the conversation to something less aggressive. “Your family loves you and no one blames you for trying to take your own life. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to have people constantly telling you to kill yourself and that, no matter what you do, they don’t go away.”

Phil moves to sit at the end of Luke’s bed, careful not to touch him.

“You know,” he adds casually, “we can work together to stop those kinds of thoughts.”

Luke scoffs, rolling over to face away from Phil. “No one can stop my own head. I tried to and look where it got me.”

Phil smiles, not because what Luke’s saying is cheery, but because the boy is actually talking to him now. It’s a huge step.

“Your mother really does love you, I hope you know that. No one blames you for hearing voices and seeing figures. Schizophrenia isn’t a trauma disorder or something else that requires a catalyst. It’s a result of genetics and aging,” Phil informs.

Luke rolls over and looks at Phil. He seems actually interested in what Phil’s saying.

“No one’s going to treat you any differently because of this. Believe it or not, we really are only interested in helping you. But we can’t do that without your help. So please, help us help you.”

Luke looks at his hands which are pulling on a thread he’s picked loose from the bandages.

Phil recognises Luke’s behaviour as him trying to shut the conversation down and nods before standing up. “You don’t need to answer now. Just think about it, okay?”

Luke smiles, looking at him, and nods slightly. Phil smiles back, happy with how the meeting went. Hopefully Luke will agree to be helped. If he doesn’t, Phil just has to keep trying until he convinces the boy.

Phil sees a few more of his patients before it’s lunchtime. He finds Dr Forrest in the doctors’ lounge and he waves at her as he grabs his own food from the communal fridge.

“Anything interesting happen yet today?” he asks as he takes a seat across from her.

“Just regular rounds,” she answers. “How are your patients doing?”

“I got Luke to talk to me a little bit. Not much but it’s something. I’ll type up the full report after lunch.”

Ruby smiles at him. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Phil says. “I also found out Dan’s addicted to heroin. I know detox is a long road but maybe we can help,” he says, the last part more of a question.

“Could work,” she says. “Would you like me to accompany you to your next visit?”

Phil smiles. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

They decide to go after lunch as Ruby has another patient she needs to see in the ED anyway.

“Let’s see what we’ve got,” Dr Forrest says, gesturing for Phil to go into treatment three.

He pulls the curtain back and is surprised to see a woman sitting on the chair next to the bed.

“Oh, uh, hi,” Phil says awkwardly. “I’m Dr Lester,” he adds, closing the curtain behind Ruby.

“And I’m Dr Forrest. Nice to meet you,” Ruby says, holding out her hand for the woman to shake.

“I’m Kiley, Dan’s mother,” Kiley says, shaking Ruby’s hand. “He just told me what’s going on,” she continues. “I had no idea.”

“Well, it’s a lot to take in,” Ruby replies, looking back and forth between Kiley and Dan.

Phil also looks at Dan; even if he were blind, he’d still notice the stark change in Dan’s behaviour.

He’s sitting stiffly and not looking at anyone. His eyes are trained on the kidney dish pile by the wall.

“How are you feeling, Dan?” Ruby asks next, turning to face him despite his clear lack of engagement.

“He’s embarrassed,” Kiley says quickly. “And he should be.” She looks at him briefly before looking back to Phil and Ruby. “It’s just so confusing why he’d do this. We’ve tried so hard to be good parents.”

Phil notices Dan look up at that and towards his mother before looking back down.

“Well, fortunately, Dr Lester has a good plan about how to move forward.”

Kiley turns to look at Phil. “Please, tell me what to do.”

Despite Kiley engaging him, Phil looks at Dan as he speaks. “So as long as you continue to tolerate the methadone, I want to switch you to orals. Then we can talk about rehab. But first, how are you feeling?”

Before Dan gets the chance to answer – not that he even opens his mouth to try – Kiley is interrupting. “Look, I appreciate all of this but I know he just wants to go home.”

Ruby steps in which Phil is thankful for. He’s honestly at a loss. Dan’s acting so differently and he’s not sure why. The only difference is that his mum’s there and Phil’s never seen anyone act this differently with their family around before.

“That’s completely understandable,” Ruby says. “But unfortunately, Dan’s going to have to finish his IV bag and that’s going to take a couple hours. Might want to go grab a cup of coffee or tea. He is still going to be here for a while.”

Kiley sits further back into her chair. “Right now, I don’t think Dan wants me to leave his side. Do you, honey?”

Dan instantly shakes his head, his first response in this entire visit. He looks up briefly and meets Phil’s eyes but when Phil smiles, he instantly looks away and shakes his head again.

“Okay, makes perfect sense. Um, why don’t we check back on you in a bit,” Ruby says, smiling at Kiley.

Ruby pulls the curtain back and Phil follows her out, completely lost. Once the curtain’s closed, she turns to Phil.

“I have no clue what happened in there,” Phil says honestly. “He’s totally different.”

“Well, he’s bound to be a bit tense with Mum in there.”

Phil glances at one of the nurses rushing past and then back at Ruby. “But it’s like a switch was flicked. He wouldn’t even look me in the eye.”

Dr Forrest looks back in the direction of treatment three. “Something is a little off,” she says, still looking away. She looks back at Phil. “How long until he’s discharged?”

“Well now that we know what caused his obstruction, we don’t have any reason to keep him after his IV is finished.”

Ruby nods slightly. “Alright. Let’s ask Dr Baker to order a lactate level and an iron panel.”

Phil’s eyebrows furrow subconsciously. “Why would we need those?”

“To buy us a little more time.” Ruby glances up from her tablet – which she’s typing furiously on – before looking back down. “We need to separate them. See if we can’t figure out what’s what.”

Phil hums and looks at the curtain for treatment three, wondering what was going on in Dan’s head during that entire interaction.

“While that’s being done, I’ve got something to deal with. Can you hold down the fort here?”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Phil says, still looking at the curtain. Dr Forrest pats his shoulder as she leaves and Phil focusses back on doing his job. There’s nothing he can do right now until he has an idea on how to separate Dan from his mother.

~~~~

Phil spends some time wandering the ED and helping out the doctors when he’s needed. Honestly, he’s just trying to think of something, _anything_ , to get Kiley out of the cubicle.

“Phil, can you grab me a Cesarean Birth Pamphlet please?” Laura, one of the ED doctors, asks.

Phil nods in reply and makes his way to the waiting area. There are plenty of people there who Phil would love to help but is frankly unable to. Not only are all the beds being used, he still needs supervision when treating patients.

His psych patients are a little different – he treats them on his own but has to report everything back to Ruby. Though that’s mostly because psychiatry can be quite personal for individual patients and too many doctors can be overwhelming for a lot of them.

Phil looks at the pamphlet wall for the one on cesarean births. As he’s looking, he sees one for drug rehabilitation centres and realises that is his answer to getting Dan on his own. He grabs a few of them and also the c-section one when he finds it and goes back to Laura.

“Thanks,” she says when he hands it over. She turns back to her patient then and Phil makes his way over to Dan. It’s been a few hours now and he’s really thankful for Laura needing that pamphlet because Dan’s IV will be finished any minute.

Phil opens the curtain and sees Dan sitting up on the bed. Looking around quickly, Phil notices the IV is unplugged – he’s already finished it. Kiley is packing up and it seems they’re about to leave. Phil’s really thankful he found the pamphlets when he did.

“Dan,” Phil says, “I thought we could spend some time looking over some rehab centres.” Phil holds up the pamphlets that he’s selected for Dan to see. He looks up but still doesn’t meet Phil’s eyes.

“Thank you,” Kiley says, “but I’ve made some calls. We’re already booked into a private facility for as soon as he’s discharged.”

Phil holds in his frustration. Has this woman thought of everything? Under normal circumstances, he’d just ask to speak to the patient alone but he has a feeling that won’t work for Kiley.

“That should be any minute now, right?” Kiley adds, looking at Dan.

“Uh,” Phil says quietly before looking back at Dan. “Are you sure you’re feeling well enough to leave?”

Dan nods slightly and Phil’s frustration grows. He calms himself down though. Realistically, they have nothing to go off of. Dan could just be particularly attached to his mother and she could know that so doesn’t want to leave his side. And Dan could just be actually embarrassed by his actions, as Kiley said he was. Really, a small attachment issue isn’t enough to keep someone in the hospital, or anywhere, for that matter.

“Well, if you ever want to talk,” Phil says, holding out his business card. He keeps some in his pocket at all times for things like this.

Dan doesn’t make a move to grab it though, which makes sense as Kiley grabs it not even a second later.

“Thank you,” she says.

Phil turns to look at her and forces a smile. He stands there awkwardly for a few seconds before deciding to leave. Dan will be discharged any minute and Phil has nothing left to help in his treatment. He’ll be going to a rehab centre where they can help him. Phil’s job is technically done.

Just as Phil turns around and starts to leave, Dan starts coughing violently.

“Dan? Are you okay?” Phil asks, spinning around and stepping closer to the bed.

He puts his hand down as he stops coughing. “Yeah,” he says, voice raspy.

“We should get going,” Kiley says, turning around to grab her handbag.

As she does this, Dan looks up. He shakes his head, eyes watery as he makes eye contact.

Phil, on the other hand, feels his stomach drop. All those feelings were right. They _have_ to be. His eyes widen and Dan looks around for a few seconds, clearly terrified, before staring back at the ground as Kiley turns back around.

Phil quickly wracks his brain for anything he can use to keep Dan here. He shakes his head slightly as he starts to speak as if shaking his head would enforce his words.

“Uh, because bowel obstructions can sometimes lead to irritation in the diaphragm, I– I feel like I should keep you for some more observation.”

Kiley steps forward then. “You know, if it gets worse we’ll have it checked at rehab. There are doctors there.”

Dan has another coughing fit and Phil tries to clear his head amidst the chaotic thoughts running around.

“We– we should do a chest x-ray,” he decides, nodding to himself.

Dan sits back up after his fit and looks at Phil with slightly less fear in his eyes than before. Phil somehow notices the barely-there nod from Dan.

“Yes, we should– nurse!” Phil calls as he sees one walk past. “We need a stat chest x-ray, can you take Dan over to radiology?” he asks her.

“I’ll go get a wheelchair,” she says, nodding.

“Really, I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Kiley says. “We’re on a tight schedule.”

The rest of the alarm bells that Phil’s carefully crafted in his years at university and time as a resident go off and he knows he’s made the right decision.

“Ma’am, I can see you clearly care about your son and I just want to give him the best care possible. I promise we’re going to make this quick.”

She must realise then that Dan’s not leaving without him having this test and she nods, sighing lightly.

Phil smiles back at her and the nurse comes in with the wheelchair for Dan.

~~~~

“Straight edges, opaque. Looks man-made,” Phil says as he looks at the x-ray image on Ruby’s desktop. “Like there was something on the table underneath Dan.”

“No,” Ruby says. “This is definitely inside of him.” She moves the mouse and zooms in on the side of Dan’s ribs. “I could be wrong but I think this might be a tracking device.”

“A what?” Phil asks even though he heard her perfectly clear.

“A transponder,” she says, looking up at Phil. “A homing device. It’d explain how that woman found him.”

“You mean his mum?”

“Yeah, is she though?” Ruby looks up at Phil who’s standing beside her. “I mean think about it. Guarded behaviour, heroin abuse,” she lists, trailing off.

“Wait, you think Dan is– a drug mule?”

“Resistance to examination by doctors,” she continues, “excluding you, for some reason, suggesting a history of abuse by other men.” She shakes her head as she looks back at the computer. “I’ve seen this before.” She pauses to sigh. “I think Dan might be a victim of sex trafficking.”

“‘Sex trafficking’?” Phil mimics as he processes Ruby’s words. “So that woman–”

“Is his pimp.”

Phil walks towards the door and pulls it open.

“Phil!” Dr Forrest calls but he doesn’t listen. He’s on a mission now to go save Dan from that monster of a human being. “Dr Lester!” she calls again. “Stop!”

Phil does as she says and spins around.

“We can’t just let her take him!” he says, frustrated at himself for not seeing the signs – not that anyone’s ever taught him to look for them – and at Dr Forrest for being so bloody calm.

“He’s not a minor,” she tells him. “We have no right to intercede unless he explicitly asks us to.”

Phil blinks rapidly, trying to process and understand his thoughts. There are so many bits of information flying around but the most prominent is Dan’s face when he had the coughing fit. The pure fear in his eyes and the shake of his head, telling Phil that he _did_ want help.

“But he _wanted_ me to find the chip,” he says, gesturing wildly with his hands. “He wanted me to know,” he adds.

“What did he say?” Ruby starts walking towards Phil now and Phil has half a mind to run – he’s not sure why – but he keeps his feet planted.

“He didn’t– he didn’t _say_ anything exactly. But he–”

“Phil, it’s not enough.”

“But–”

“As crazy as it sounds, we need to know that he’s psychologically ready to be extricated. If we do this the wrong way – if we call the police – this could be very, very bad for him. It’s why we need to hear it from his own lips. Trust me.”

Phil shakes his head in disbelief at the whole system. They should be able to just call the police and have the whole ring shut down. It’s absolutely crazy that they have to wait for Dan to be ready. What if he’s never ready? What if he _dies_ before he gets to be ready? There’s so many ‘what if’s and variables that Phil thinks it’s ridiculous they can’t intervene.

“Then I need to talk to him,” Phil decides. He hears Ruby’s sigh but he’s already off walking down the hallway. He hears her follow behind him.

They take the elevator down together and when they get to the ED, Phil notices treatment three’s curtain is open. What’s more alarming is that there is quite clearly no patient in the bed.

Phil moves quickly as he rushes towards the entrance and pushes the doors open, Ruby hot on his feet.

“Dan!” he calls out.

He looks back as he’s dragged forward by Kiley’s hand wrapped around his bicep. They stop for a few seconds and Phil stands there in shock before Kiley is pulling up away from the hospital again.

She shoves Dan towards a black pick-up truck which has a buff man standing next to it.

“Thanks for all your help,” Kiley calls out to them as she walks around to the other side of the car, Dan climbing into the side he was pushed towards.

Ruby holds up her hand and waves at them as the engine is turned on.

Phil, still in shock, turns to Ruby. “What’s– what’s going to happen to him?”

She turns to face him but doesn’t say anything. She raises her eyebrow and Phil looks back in the direction the car drove off in.

He doesn’t need to be told. He knows what’s going to happen to Dan. And he knows it won’t be pretty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! And thank you for all the wonderful comments on the last chapter!
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](https://rainbowchristy.tumblr.com/)!


	3. Legalities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been so long since the last update. I’ve had some bad writer’s block which is only just now passing.
> 
> TW: Alcohol & mentions of suicide.

Phil takes the next few days off from work. Dr Forrest is the one who suggests it. Phil initially fights her but after he has a panic attack on shift, he agrees it’s for the best.

He spends most of the break at home filled with guilt. He’s trying to tell himself Dan’s situation is not his fault but it’s hard. There’s so many ‘what if’s running around Phil’s head and none of them help him feel better.

Eventually, he gets fed up with feeling bad. He needs to be back to work where he can help people. Maybe if he sees how he’s helping other people he’ll feel less bad for being unable to help one person. He hopes so anyway.

“Dr Lester,” Ruby greets in surprise. It’s Phil’s first day back since the panic attack and while he’s a little nervous, he’s mostly excited to be back at the hospital.

“Hi,” he says awkwardly.

The thing is, he didn’t think she’d agree to let him come back to work so soon after his panic attack. It’s been three days but she knows how upset he got over the whole Dan situation. He decided he’d have better chances with the head of the ER so he asked her if he could get some shifts there. She hesitated a bit but agreed after a little convincing.

“What are you doing back here?” she asks, not accusing but curious.

“I asked Maddy if I could get some shifts helping out in the ED.”

Phil sees Dr Forrest’s eyebrows furrow. “And why did you not ask me?”

“Because I thought you’d think I needed more time off,” he answers honestly. “I was going crazy being home the whole time. I need to be back in the action and helping people will take my mind off of it anyway.”

Ruby nods. “That makes sense. I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of you working with your patients yet, though. Give it a few days in the ED and if all goes well, you can come and work up here again. How does that sound?”

Phil nods. “Sounds good to me.”

It’s fair. His patients in the psychiatric ward are sensitive and need to be taken care of properly. If Phil panics with those patients, the results could be devastating. In the ED, he has support from the team and he can step out if he needs to with little hassle. Overall, it’s the best option and it’s what Phil hoped for.

“Well get going then,” Ruby says, smiling now, “and keep me posted.”

Phil nods and heads towards the elevator to go back to the ED.

~~~~

“Wanna grab a drink after work?” Kyle asks, catching up to him as he walks towards the doctors’ lounge.

“Uh, yeah, sure. What time do you finish?”

“Seven today.”

Phil nods. “I finish at six but I can hang around,” he answers.

“Sounds good,” Kyle says, clapping Phil’s back as he turns to go back in the direction they came.

Not much happens during Phil’s shift. There’s a few broken bones, a few people with mysterious stomach pains, a pregnant woman who was in a lot of pain that she didn’t realise was her being in labour and lots of other small injuries that just needed to be bandaged.

Overall, it was a relatively normal shift. Sometimes there are influxes of patients after car crashes and things like that but most days it’s pretty calm.

Phil’s shift finishes right on time which is nice because a solid half of his shifts end with patients still in treatment, meaning he needs to transfer them to another doctor or to discharge them. He’s used to that – it’s part of the job – but finishing on time is always nice.

“Ready to go?” Phil asks once Kyle enters the doctors’ lounge.

Kyle nods. “Just let me grab my stuff.”

They head off after he does that, saying goodbye to some of the doctors and nurses as they go.

It doesn’t take long to arrive at the bar a block away from the hospital. It’s relatively small which both Phil and Kyle like. It’s old-timey for the area of London that it’s in but that’s the style of the bar.

“Phil! Kyle! Good to see you again,” Marcus, the bartender, calls as he waves them over. “What can I get for you lads?”

“I’ll have my usual, please,” Phil says.

Kyle orders an apple cider, saying he can’t get too wasted since he has work the next day. Phil does too, but he has a better alcohol tolerance than Kyle – he knows that from experience.

Phil’s margarita arrives after a minute and Kyle starts sipping on his cider.

They have a couple of drinks over the next few hours and before long, it’s past midnight.

Phil orders a cab for the two of them, having already decided Kyle would crash at Phil’s place for the night. It’s a common enough occurrence that Kyle’s turned full girlfriend mode and stolen one of Phil’s drawers for his belongings.

He’s a little buzzed from the alcohol but he looks completely sober next to Kyle who’s struggling to walk to the cab. Phil makes sure to tip the cabby well because it’s late and there was honestly a decent chance that Kyle would throw up on the way home. He didn’t, thankfully.

“Come on, into bed,” Phil says, laughing as Kyle trips over his feet.

 _So much for trying not to get drunk_ , Phil thinks as he helps Kyle get undressed and into his pyjamas. After he’s in bed, Phil grabs a bucket from the bathroom just in case and changes into his own nightshirt and some sweatpants.

It doesn’t take him long after his head hits the pillow to fall asleep. He’s had a long day and the alcohol in his system is making him sleepy.

~~~~

“So I had this guy come in with his wife,” Kyle says as they get off the bus. “He’s in the army.”

They’re on their way back to work now and Kyle’s only mildly hungover. He’s doing pretty well, actually, considering how he was last night.

“He was feeling lightheaded and came in after a fender bender. He’s completely with-it when I’m asking questions. Nothing too concerning, right? So I order some tests for him and when they come back, his blood sugar’s at three-fifty.”

Phil tries to listen but he can’t help but feel distracted. He’s got an inkling of a feeling something’s wrong but he can’t place what. Maybe it’s just his anxiety acting up a bit more today than usual. That’s what he tells himself as he focuses back on Kyle.

“He said he didn't have diabetes when I asked, so I check his results again and notice his white blood count’s a little high. So I thought maybe there’s an infection there. But they all came back negative.”

Phil zones out again and he feels guilty for not listening. He focuses then on making sure he looks like he’s paying attention but he focuses so much on that that he isn’t actually listening anymore.

“So I ordered an x-ray to check for any infections in his bones. And there’s no infection but he had two fractured– are you even listening to me?” Kyle says, interrupting himself. He doesn’t look mad, just concerned.

Phil looks behind himself again, following his gut feeling.

“Sorry, just– nevermind,” Phil says, deciding it’s probably nothing as he turns back to Kyle.

“You keep looking around. What’s up?” Kyle pushes.

“Did you see someone follow us when we got off the bus?”

“No,” Kyle answers, sounding mildly confused. Phil doesn’t blame him, the question came out of nowhere.

Phil hums. “I’m pretty sure I did.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know. I just can’t shake this feeling that I’m being followed.”

“‘Followed’?” Kyle mimics.

Phil nods in confirmation.

“Oh, I get it,” he says next, confusing Phil. He must see the confusion on Phil’s face because he wraps his arm around Phil’s shoulder. “Well don’t worry, it’s not real.” When he sees Phil’s still-confused look, he chuckles. “You’re a first-year psych resident.”

“What does that mean?”

Kyle removes his arm and shoves his hands into his pockets, likely to warm them up. It’s early enough in the day that it’s still pretty cold out.

“You spend all day treating very disturbed people. It’s only natural that you’d start mirroring some of their disorders. For example, paranoia.”

“Yeah, I don’t know,” Phil says, sighing. “And that sounds kinda condescending.”

~~~~

Just outside the hospital is a food truck. It’s always there at lunchtime without fail. Most doctors tend to bring their own lunches but there are a few that are always outside in line when it’s their break.

Phil’s one of the doctors in line today. He didn’t make lunch that morning mostly because he was tired after the late night and he had Kyle with him.

He puts his pager into his pocket as the person in front of him steps up to get served. One of the other ED doctors walks away from the truck and Phil’s eyes follow her subconsciously. When he does this though, his eyes catch sight of something unusual.

There’s someone standing behind one of the pillars out the front of the hospital. As Phil looks, the person steps behind the pillar properly so they are completely out of view. Phil realises this is probably why he had the feeling of being followed that morning.

He sighs, leaving the queue. He goes over to the pillar and looks around it, seeing no one. He stands stumped for a few seconds before he hears his name.

“Dr Lester,” the person says from behind him.

He spins around and stumbles a little on his feet.

“Dan,” he says, mostly out of shock. A second later, “You’ve been following me.”

“I– I had to talk to you,” he says.

His voice isn’t as hoarse as it was when Phil last heard it but it’s clear he’s upset now. Phil starts walking over to him.

“Alone,” he mumbles and Phil hums so he knows it’s okay, that they’re alone right now. “You were nice to me.”

“We know what’s going on,” Phil says. “That woman with you was not your mother and you’re being sex trafficked.”

Dan nods and despite Phil having already come to terms with the whole situation, the lump in his throat still gets bigger. He knew but at the same time, he didn’t. Phil supposes a part of him hoped they were wrong and that there was somehow a massive misunderstanding. Dan’s nod eliminates any of that hope left.

“They make me do things I don’t want to do.”

Phil nods. “We can help you, Dan.”

“No,” he says, choking up a bit now. “No, nobody can.”

It’s silent for a few seconds aside from the general noise of the street.

“But you came to me,” Phil says. “Why?”

“I can’t– I can’t take it anymore,” Dan whispers before taking a deep breath. “I want to kill myself.”

Phil’s stunned into silence. How is he meant to respond to that? Sure, he’s managed suicidal patients before but this is so different; he’s not sure how but he knows it is.

“That– that makes sense,” Phil says, unsure what else he’s supposed to say.

Dan shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”

“No no, don’t be sorry. It’s okay, okay?”

“Nothing okay and it never will be,” Dan says next.

“It will be, if you let us, let _me_ , help you, okay?”

“I’ll– I’ll think about it,” Dan agrees.

Phil’s pager goes off then and he checks it out of habit.

“Do you have to go?”

“They’re backing up in the ED,” Phil answers sadly.

“It’s okay. I’ll, um, can I come find you again? If I need you.”

Phil nods. “Of course. And please try your best not to do anything, okay? I’d be sad if anything happened to you.”

Dan nods awkwardly before smiling and turning to run away.

After helping in the ED, Phil goes straight to visit Dr Forrest.

“Hey,” he greets.

“Hi, Dr Lester,” Ruby greets, flicking through her files.

“I spoke to Dan.”

Ruby spins around. “When?”

“Earlier, when I was on my lunch break. He said he’d get back in touch.”

She hums. “When he does, you should refer him to the psych ward,” she says as she turns back to flick through her files.

“He won’t go. He’s afraid to come into the hospital or any clinic. He’s afraid the traffickers will find out. He only wants to see me outside.”

“Bad idea.”

Phil’s stumped. Ruby’s not only distracted during this conversation – by something important, he’s sure, but annoying nonetheless – but she also isn’t understanding the gravity of the situation. She’s completely unempathetic and Phil’s not sure if he’s impressed because it’s a skill he’s still working on or if he’s angry because Dan deserves empathy.

“Dr Forrest, he’s suicidal.”

Ruby turns back around with a file in hand. “So let me get this straight. You,” she says, pointing a corner of the file at him, “want to give him psychotherapy once a week in the parking lot?”

Phil doesn’t answer.

“Dr Lester, this patient, any patient, needs to be treated in the proper clinical setting.”

“He feels a connection to me,” Phil answers.

“Let me ask you something. Do you feel like you’re the only one who can help him? Like you’re the only one who understands?”

“No, no,” Phil answers straight away. “It’s just–”

“Just what?”

Phil blinks. “I– I care about him.”

“Cut it off,” Dr Forrest says, shaking her head. “You’re too involved.”

“But I–” Phil says before pausing. “I– I don’t understand.”

“What happens if you don’t get the rosy outcome you’re looking for?”

“I think I can deal with that,” Phil answers, sitting back in the chair, slightly offended.

“No,” Dr Forrest says straight away. “A crucial part of my job is protecting my staff. You are heading down a dangerous path. Step away.”

Phil swallows, unsure what to say.

“Are we clear?” she asks next, clearly disliking Phil’s silence.

After a few seconds, Phil nods, looking into Dr Forrest’s eyes for a second before looking away again.

“Good,” she says. She opens the file she collected and licks her fingers to start paging through the sheets. Phil takes this as his sign to leave and stands up.

Phil decides to go to the legal department and get their opinion. They’ll be less involved as they’ve never met Phil for more than a minute or two. He knows Dr Forrest is a very well-trained psychiatrist but she’s also his boss. He wants the opinion of someone else.

Unfortunately, they give much the same advice. Basically, it’s not appropriate for him to treat someone outside of the hospital even if the patient refuses to come in. According to them, Dan’s not the hospital’s responsibility until he checks himself into the psychiatric clinic or comes into the ED.

~~~~

Phil goes back to work, unhappy with the proposed outcome for Dan’s situation. But still, what can he do? He’s just a resident.

He’s staring at his tablet trying to understand what he’s looking at. The results of the x-ray don’t make sense given the reasons the patient gave for coming in. It’s confusing, to say the least.

“Dr Lester, got a second?” Dr Forrest asks as she walks past Phil.

“Yeah,” he answers, turning his tablet off and putting it into his pocket. He’s nervous. The last conversation with Ruby had been tense and if she knows he went to the legal department, he could be in some real trouble right now.

Dr Forrest takes him into one of the meeting rooms in the ED, where patients are told private information about ill family members and where any other conversation needing privacy happens. They take a seat and Ruby sighs, splaying her hands on the table.

“Years ago, I had a private practice,” she says. “I saw patients on a regular basis.” She starts twiddling her thumbs but Phil pays little mind. “One of them was an actor, a young woman in her twenties. She was talented, funny. Suffered from bouts of depression and anxiety but we were working through it, you know? And I really liked her. I looked forward to our sessions together.”

Phil sits back and folds his arms uncomfortably. He’s not sure the point of this story but he is interested.

“One night, I got a phone call,” she continues. “Three in the morning. She had, um, jumped off the roof of a building.”

Phil swallows and wants to say something but he’s not sure what. He’s never seen Ruby upset before and he can tell this person clearly affected her deeply.

“She left a note: ‘Sorry, I’m done.’” Ruby pauses for a second to collect herself. “I couldn’t understand why she killed herself. I went over my notes, again and again, looking for clues, you know, things I could have done differently. I played our conversations over and over again in my head, wondering what I could have said or done.” Ruby shakes her head at herself. “I never got over it.”

Phil understands the purpose of the story now. It’s a warning. A ‘don’t do what I did’. Phil has half a mind to tell her that Dan’s not like that but the other half of his mind tells him Dan is _exactly_ like that. He himself said that he’s suicidal.

“So I sold my practice and went into emergency psychiatry. I swore I’d never get that involved in anyone’s life again.” She pauses again. “Look, Phil, it was wrong of me to dismiss your feelings for Dan. My issues are my issues, not your’s.”

She closes her eyes and Phil watches, unsure yet again what this story is for. He thought it was a warning, but now she’s being sympathetic towards Phil.

“Listen, I need you to trust me. Seeing him outside of a clinical setting is a terrible idea, especially given the people that he’s involved with.” She looks at Phil seriously. “But if you insist on–”

“I do,” Phil interrupts. He wasn’t sure himself until a second earlier but with the start of Dr Forrest’s blessing, he was sure of his newly-made decision.

“Well, in that case, grab your coat. There’s someone I’d like to introduce you to who can help, the right way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think :D
> 
> Next chapter should be early-to-mid next week!!


	4. The Chip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been so long since the last chapter! I took a little break from writing and also posted a oneshot ([here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29151066)).
> 
> TW: Mention of abuse, mentions of murder, mentions of suicide, mentions of sex trafficking, mentions of eating disorders & blood.

Phil climbs into Dr Forrest’s car and plugs his seatbelt in, waiting for her to start up the car so he can warm his already-cold hands. He forgot his gloves that morning when he left for work – he’s blaming Kyle for that – and he has naturally cold hands, which isn’t a good mix.

“Ready?” Ruby asks as she turns the car on.

Phil nods silently, already holding his hands over the air vents.

Ruby pulls out of her spot and a short ten minutes later, they arrive. Ruby finds some parking behind the station for medical personnel and they walk around the side to get to the front.

Phil remembers his first time visiting the police department with the hospital. He never realised there were special spots for them to park in because of how often medical personnel had to report crimes. It’s kind of sad when he thinks about it. Most of the time the police come to the hospital, too, which makes the multiple spots even more depressing.

“What are we doing here?” Phil asks curiously. He knows they aren’t reporting Dan’s situation because he knows they can’t do anything until they have a witness and an actual case.

“You’ll see soon enough,” Ruby answers dismissively, pushing the door open to the station.

“Dr Forrest, good to see you again,” an officer says.

“Hi, Officer James. How are you?”

“Good, good,” he answers. “What can I do for you today?”

“We’re here to speak to Detective Kent. Is she in?”

Officer James nods. “I’ll send her out for you. Take a seat.”

They do as he says and Ruby talks to Phil a little bit about how his patients (that she’s been taking care of during his absence) are going.

After a few minutes, an officer comes out, spots them and smiles.

“Dr Forrest, come with me,” she says. Phil assumes this woman is Detective Kent. “What’s the matter?” she asks as she leads them down a hallway.

Dr Forrest looks at Phil and gestures for him to answer.

“Um, we have a patient,” he says before quickly adding, “hypothetically.”

She catches on easily that this isn’t a hypothetical but for legal reasons they all silently agree to pretend it is.

They turn into a room and the detective takes a seat before gesturing for them to do the same.

“This patient has a tracking device in their arm and has confirmed to me that they’re being sex trafficked.”

“This patient, are they female?”

“Male,” Phil answers, “hypothetically.”

“Right.” She sits back in her chair and folds her hands. “Innovative.” She leans forward again. “We usually see human trafficking victims that have been branded or tattooed but not this.” She pauses and looks at Phil sadly. “How old is he?”

Phil thinks and realises he doesn’t know. He never thought to find out Dan’s age, it never seemed relevant to his care. He was clearly late teens to early twenties but the exact number didn’t seem important. “Uh,” he says blankly as he tries to think.

“We don’t have consent to get any more specific,” Dr Forrest says, saving Phil from the awkward silence that had come as a result of the question.

“Of course,” Detective Kent says, nodding. “You want to help this boy get out of the life,” she says after turning back to Phil. It’s phrased like a statement but Phil nods to confirm it anyway. “It’s complicated. Traffickers control their victims in a number of ways. Psychologically, through fear and emotional abuse. Physically, drugs, torture. He’s up against a lot.”

Phil swallows hard. This is all stuff he knew, or at least assumed, but hearing it is not easy at all. Especially from a police officer, someone who’s seen the effects of these things first hand, someone who knows exactly what goes on for the people who got caught up in this mess.

Detective Kent sighs gently. “I think it’d help him open up if he feels like he can trust you.”

“Pretty sure he already does,” Dr Forrest answers.

“Great,” she says, turning back to Phil. “Once he tells you he’s ready to involve us, just call me and we’ll start looking at ways to extricate him. But in the meantime, you have to be really careful. His fears are legitimate. If these traffickers find out that he’s trying to get out, that he could potentially become a witness against them, they’ll kill him.”

Phil looks to Dr Forrest in shock, wanting to see her response. She’s completely stoic, though.

There’s silence for a while until Dr Forrest clears her throat. “Well, thank you for your help,” she says, collecting her jacket from the armrest and standing up.

“Of course, any time,” Detective Kent answers, nodding and giving a light smile. “Here’s my card, too.”

She holds out a small piece of cardboard to Phil and he takes it gently before putting it into his pocket. He’s not really upset or anything, but he’s definitely in a state of shock. He’s not really sure what to do with all this new information. He feels like he might throw up if he imagines Dan going through any of the things she described.

Detective Kent leads them back to the front of the building and waves to them as they leave.

Once they’re in the car, Ruby turns it on but doesn’t pull out of the spot.

“How are you feeling?” she asks, turning in her seat to look at Phil.

“Scared,” he answers, rolling his head to the side so he can see her too.

“That makes sense.”

Phil laughs then. “I’m not one of your patients,” he says, rolling his eyes lightly.

She chuckles too. “No, but I do care about you.”

“Can we just go back to the hospital? I need time to process.”

Ruby nods. “Of course.” She puts the car in drive and they’re back on the streets of London before long.

~~~~

Two days later, Phil’s reinstated as a psych resident. Not that he wasn’t for the three days he had off, but he certainly didn’t feel like he was. As he walks the hallways of the psychiatric facilities, he realises how at home he feels. It’s good to be back.

He checks in with all his patients and explains to them a modified version of where he’s been. “Ill,” he tells them. “I took a few days off to recover because I didn’t want to get anyone here sick.”

Luke agrees to accept help, which is a huge step in the right direction. Phil prescribes him some medication to have with his dinner and tells him that it’ll make the hallucinations go away. Luke doesn’t believe him entirely but Phil assures him that if it doesn’t work, which is unlikely, then they can try something else. He tells Luke they won’t stop trying until they find something that works.

Phil updates Ruby at lunch and she’s as excited as he is at the progress Luke and his other patients are making.

~~~~

Four days after he returns to the psychiatric ward, he runs into Dan again. Well, it’s not really a random occurrence. Dan followed him again and Phil told him that they could have their first therapy session the next day.

It’s now the next day and Phil’s waiting where they agreed to meet. He thinks about Dr Forrest’s and Detective Kent’s words. He needs to make it clear to Dan that he can get out if he wants to. When he’s ready to, he needs to understand that Phil, the hospital and the police can and will help him.

“Hi,” Dan says quietly. Phil spins and smiles when he sees him. They start walking together.

“How have you been?”

“Tired,” Dan answers. “How are you?”

Phil smiles. “I’m good, thank you.”

Dan explains a bit more about what’s going on for him and Phil listens attentively. He can’t miss anything here and with all the background noise of the city, it’s a genuine concern.

Once Dan finishes, Phil takes a few seconds to decide what he wants to say and how. “What you’re describing, the suicidal thoughts, the sense of hopelessness, fatigue. These are all clear signs of depression.”

Dan looks at him and Phil can’t quite read his expression. It’s almost surprise but with a mix of understanding in there. He nods lightly.

“I can prescribe some medication for you that could help but I think it’s important we address something more fundamental.”

Phil leads Dan over to a quieter area and stops them. A man pushing a cart full of items slowly moves past them.

“What do you mean?”

“Okay, so when we treat patients in prison, we have to ask ourselves whether this person is actually depressed, or are they just living in a situation that is so awful, so inherently depressing, that anyone would have these feelings.”

Dan doesn’t answer but Phil can tell he’s confused now.

“So what I’m saying– sorry, um,” Phil pauses to collect his thoughts. “If you were living in a better situation, you might not be depressed.”

Dan’s eyes widen slightly. “Y– you mean, leave them?”

“Yes.”

“No,” he answers immediately. “No, no. No! I– I can’t. These people, they’ll hurt me.”

Phil pays close attention to Dan’s and his own words. Dan’s getting distressed and it’s important Phil manages this situation in the right way.

“We can protect you,” he tells Dan.

“And– and what about the heroin? I need it, you know that. They give it to me.”

Phil shakes his head as he answers. “We can get you off heroin. You won’t need it anymore.”

“They’ll find me,” Dan says next. “They will. They always do.”

“Of course they do. They put a tracking device, a chip, in your arm. But we can take it out and then they won’t be able to find you.”

“You don’t know these people,” Dan says next. Phil listens to Dan’s breathing and can tell it’s way faster than normal. “They’re too smart.”

“Okay, Dan,” he says, trying to show that he’s on Dan’s side while also pushing for what’s best for him. It’s a delicate balancing act. “You don’t have to make any decisions right now. I just want you to know things can be different.”

“This– this was a bad idea,” Dan says, taking a step to turn his body.

“Dan–” Phil says, urgency filling his voice.

“I shouldn't have come.” Phil’s eyes widen. This is going downhill very fast and Phil’s not sure he can salvage this anymore.

Dan’s turning away and is waving his hands at Phil, making it clear he shouldn’t come closer.

“Dan–” Phil tries again.

“No!” he shouts, picking up his pace. “No,” he repeats, reaching the end of the alley and looking both ways. He pulls his hoodie up and enters the light flow of people.

Phil sighs. Their first meeting did not go at all how it was supposed to and he can feel his own heart beating fast in his chest.

He counts to himself to slow his breathing and leans back against the wall, wiping his hands over his face in annoyance.

He clearly needs to work on his balancing act.

~~~~

“How are you feeling?” Phil asks. He’s sitting across from Elizabeth, Liz, as she eats her dinner. She has severe bulimia and is still in the very early stages of recovery. But it’s clear to Phil that she’s trying and that’s the most important thing.

She swallows the food in her mouth and frowns down at the plate that is still almost entirely full. “Nervous,” she answers.

“That makes sense. You’re very brave, you know?”

Liz shrugs. Phil’s noticed that she’s not good at praise or compliments. She seems to always brush it off and ignore it.

“How much do you reckon you can eat?”

“I don’t know.”

Phil pager beeps but he ignores it for now.

“How about you try for half, okay? The chef gave you a lot and if you can have half of it and not throw it up, that’d be amazing.”

She nods slowly and takes another spoonful of pasta. Phil looks at the small plate, knowing that it’s less than a proper serving. Liz is rigid and easily shuts down if anyone pushes her too hard. Phil knows half the plate is a big accomplishment for her.

He looks at his pager. “I have to go now but I’ll let the nurses know you only need to eat half, okay? I’ll come back and check on you later before I sign out.”

Liz nods slowly and continues to eat as Phil heads over to her nurse. After that, he walks quickly towards the elevator, going down to the emergency department.

He rushes into treatment six, where his pager told him to go and sees Dr Baker with blood on his gloved hands.

Phil looks up to the patient and feels his eyes widen. “Dan,” he says, rushing forward and standing next to him.

“He cut himself,” Dr Baker says, glancing up to Phil before continuing to inspect the wound.

“Did you try to kill yourself?” Phil asks urgently.

“No,” Dan answers quickly. “I tried to cut it out,” he says, before clarifying, “the– the chip.”

Dr Baker looks up. “Chip?”

“Oh,” Phil says. He’s about to explain but Dan interrupts before he can begin.

“I– I want to live. I want to get away from them. Help me.”

Phil nods at him. “Okay.” The three of them sit in silence for a short while until Kyle sits up.

“I’d clean and bandage these but I have a feeling there needs to be more done,” he says.

“We need to get the chip out.” Phil looks to Dan for approval and he nods.

“Okay.” Kyle grabs some clothes and calls for a dish of alcohol to sterilise it once it’s out.

Phil pages Dr Forrest after Kyle tells him to wait outside. Phil does as he says and realises Dan’s not as scared as he was before. Last time he wouldn’t let anyone else touch him. This time, while he’s still keeping his eyes on Phil, he’s letting Kyle literally cut him open.

This time, though, Dan knows that they know. He knows that the hospital is helping him and that, without Kyle’s help, the chip will stay there and the traffickers will find him again.

Once the chip is removed, Kyle washes it off and stands up.

“What do you want to do with this?” he asks Phil.

“I’ll take it,” he says, grabbing a glove box and pulling one on. He takes the small electronic and glares at it.

Kyle turns to patch Dan up and Phil walks quickly out of the emergency department.

Once he’s outside, he looks around for some way to get rid of this. It’s not safe to put it in a car or anything that people use. If the traffickers followed it and it led them to a person, who knows what could happen to them. But still, there aren’t many moving objects that aren’t person-operated.

He looks around on the ground for anything that could work and sees the gutter flowing with a small amount of water. It hasn’t rained today so he’s not entirely sure where the flow is coming from but he sure isn’t complaining.

Phil smiles to himself and drops the small chip into the water, watching as it flows away. A few meters away is a drain and it quickly falls in, getting carried away with the city’s water pipes.

He goes back inside and arrives in time to see the bandage being applied to Dan’s side.

“Happy?” he asks, seeing Dan’s slight smile.

He looks up at Phil. “Yeah.”

Phil sits next to him and talks to him. He explains Dan’s options from here and what he can do.

“No police,” Dan says as soon as Phil mentions it.

“Dan–”

“No, I can’t,” he insists.

Phil nods. “Okay, that’s okay. Do you want to stay here and be treated properly?”

Dan shakes his head and Phil holds in a sigh. If Dan won’t go to the police and won’t stay in the hospital, he’ll end up on the streets. Worse than that, Dan won’t be protected by anyone. He’ll be on his own and Phil doesn’t even want to think about him being caught, let alone what would happen to him if he is.

“I’ll look for a homeless shelter that has a vacancy and you can stay there after you’re discharged,” Phil says next. He hopes he can find one. Dan can’t be on the streets; it’s not safe. But at the same time, there may be no other choice. At least on the streets is better than in the hands of those horrible excuses for human beings.

Phil closes his eyes briefly. He doesn’t need to think about that. One step at a time. He’s always telling his patients that and his therapist tells him that too.

He needs to look for a place for Dan to stay. If there aren’t any places, well, he’ll think about that if it comes to it.

“Did I make the right decision?” Dan asks, voice small and scared. He’s staring at the white gauze on his side and frowning.

“You did,” Phil tells him. “You’ve made a huge first step and we’re going to help you. One day, all this will be in the past, okay? And then you won’t have to think about it anymore.”

“But what if they find me?”

“How can they?” Phil counters. “The chip’s gone and it’ll be a long way away by now. They won’t find you, Dan, okay?”

“But–”

“Do you trust me, Dan?”

He nods instantly and Phil’s heart warms at that. “They won’t find you. I won’t let them.”

“Okay,” Dan whispers quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will come later this week as an apology for this one being so late :D
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](https://rainbowchristy.tumblr.com/)!


	5. Homeless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the next chapter! It’s actually the longest one yet so I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> TW: Mention of schizophrenia, mentions of sex trafficking, mentions of protective custody & vomiting.

After looking online and making calls for over an hour, Phil finds a homeless shelter with a vacancy. He’s excited when the lady on the phone tells him that they just got an opening earlier that day and Phil’s sure to save the spot for Dan. He tells her that Dan will be dropped off as soon as he’s discharged.

“I found a place for you to stay,” Phil says happily as he pulls the curtain open.

“Really?” Dan asks, using his hands to sit himself up on the bed.

“Yep. I’ll arrange a cab for you once you’re discharged. I won’t be able to come with you since my shift won’t be finished.” That, and Phil’s already on thin ice for agreeing to treat Dan outside of the hospital. He can’t really afford to get in trouble for chauffeuring Dan around the city.

“Thank you,” he says, his tone giving away just how grateful he is.

“Just doing my job,” Phil answers. Though a part of him knows it’s more than that. He cares about Dan, probably too much. But as long as that stays between him and Dr Forrest, then there’s no harm done.

Dan’s discharged an hour later and Phil calls for a cab. He walks Dan to the car and tells him that he’ll stop by when he gets the chance. Dan nods and gets into the car while Phil pays the cabbie and gives him the address to the shelter.

“See you, Dan.”

“Bye.”

Phil watches as the cab drives off and sighs. At least Dan’s going to have a roof over his head. After the first few shelters told him they didn’t have any spots, he started to lose hope. He thought that Dan might end up on the streets. Or that he’d take the lack of vacancies in the shelter as a sign from the universe that he shouldn’t be free from his captors. Phil thinks he might have those kinds of thoughts if he was in Dan’s situation.

But what he or Dan would have thought if there were no vacancies doesn’t matter because there is a shelter with a free bed.

Phil turns and goes back into the hospital, helping with a new trauma that arrives just as he returns. The patient is kicking out and screaming about people following him and Phil instantly wants to diagnose him with schizophrenia. He restrains himself though.

When Phil first became a psychiatry resident, he really wasn’t sure it was for him. He agreed to a single trial day and found he actually enjoyed it. Not to mention being back in the hospital, surrounded by his colleges, felt really nice.

Still, within his first week, he misdiagnosed three patients on three separate days, making him doubt his abilities quite significantly. Dr Forrest convinced him to keep trying for a little bit longer and, after a lot of late nights reading about the history of psychiatry, he felt ready and able to correctly help people.

He did better after that. He learnt not to diagnose quickly because brains are complex and he also learnt to listen to every word patients’ say. Sometimes small word choices go unnoticed but can be very important in determining what a patient needs help with. And sometimes, the patients are completely sane – not that the patients Phil gets to help are _not_ sane.

~~~~

Two days later, Phil’s talking with Rachel, one of the ED nurses who’s just announced her engagement. Phil’s happy for her. He’s met her now-fiancé a few times and he seems like a nice bloke.

Phil can’t help but think about his last relationship, though. And that leads him to needing to take a small break. Kyle had been great. They were friends to start with and when Phil started to develop a crush, Kyle reciprocated, much to Phil’s excitement.

They dated for a few months and everything was perfect. Until, one day, they decided to have sex. Phil was still a virgin at this point but he trusted Kyle. And everyone was perfect that night. Kyle was sweet and gentle and made sure Phil was comfortable the entire time. Phil was happy as he went to sleep that night, cuddled into Kyle’s chest.

The next morning, though, Kyle was nowhere to be seen and, while they hadn’t officially shared a flat, Kyle’s absence was unusual. Phil had called him to see where he was and received no reply.

It wasn’t until that afternoon when Kyle returned. His eyes were red-rimmed, similar to Phil’s.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he took a seat on the couch and gestured for Phil to do the same.

“Where did you go?”

“I had to get out. I needed to think.”

“The night after we had sex for the first time?”

Kyle flinched. “Yes. About that–”

Phil stood up, already sensing that what Kyle had to say wouldn’t make him happy.

“I think we should just be friends,” he said and Phil felt like he was going to throw up. Phil was about to ask why when Kyle explained. “I don’t think I’m bi. It’s nothing to do with you, promise. I just don’t think I like guys like I thought I did.”

Despite Kyle’s words, Phil couldn’t help but feel like it was him.

“I'd still like to be friends.”

Phil shook his head. “Get out, please.”

Kyle nodded and stood up. “I’m sorry, again,” he said as he left. Phil broke down after that and didn’t go to work for the next two days without telling the hospital.

Phil shakes his head to pull himself from his thoughts. Kyle and him are friends now. Sure, it took awhile for Phil to recover and for their relationship to not be tense, but they’re good mates again now and that’s all that matters. Phil’s spent a lot of time coming to terms with the idea that their break up wasn’t Phil’s fault and that Kyle can’t help that he isn’t attracted to men.

He smiles when he sees Kyle walk past and he smiles back, unaware of the memories racing around Phil’s head. Phil sighs and wipes at his face despite not having any tears to clear.

“Lester,” someone calls as soon as he’s outside of the breakroom. Phil spots Lucy, the charge nurse, waving him over.

He sees Rachel still excitedly showing everyone her ring and smiles at her. He really is happy for her, even if he’s a little salty at how his first and last relationship ended.

“Treatment two,” Lucy says, handing him a hospital bracelet. “I tried to assign him to someone else but he said he’d only talk to you.”

Phil nods and turns to go to treatment three. He pushes the door open and moves the curtain out of the way, surprised at who he sees on the bed behind it.

“Dan,” he says, verbally processing what he’s seeing. It’s a weird habit he has but he deemed it unimportant enough to try and change. “What’s wrong?” he says after he corrects himself, making his way into the room.

“My stomach. It’s tied up in knots,” Dan tells him. Phil notices that Dan’s clutching his stomach in much the same way he was when Phil first met him.

“Let’s take a look.” Phil places the bracelet to the side and puts down the bed rails so he can access Dan easier. “Don’t they have a clinic at the shelter?” Phil asks as he feels Dan’s stomach.

“I’m not at the shelter anymore.”

“What?”

His face pinches up in pain as Phil prods his stomach some more. “A woman came in with her newborn. She needed the bed. They said I had to leave,” Dan explains, shrugging.

“They kicked you out?” Phil asks, movements stopping. He resumes seconds later.

“I spent the night on the street. I barely slept.” Phil looks up at Dan’s eyes and notices the barely-there circles underneath. “Can you close the curtain?” he asks suddenly.

Phil looks up and sees it slightly open. He stands and closes it quickly, moving back to Dan and taking a seat next to him. “What’s wrong?”

“I– I don’t want them to find me,” he answers.

“We took your tracking chip out,” Phil reminds him gently.

“But they know– they know that I was here.”

“Don’t worry,” Phil tells him confidently. He knows they won’t find Dan. “I’m going to keep you safe.” Phil puts the hospital bracelet onto Dan’s wrist, emphasising that he’s under Phil’s care and, while it’s not part of his job, protection.

~~~~

Phil’s stressed. Between visits with patients, he’s been on his phone looking for places that Dan can stay. It’s not looking hopeful.

“Hey,” Kyle says, stopping next to Phil. He’s leaning against the wall between the doctor’s lounge and the hallway to the elevator.

“Hi.”

“Something wrong?” he asks and Phil realises he sounded very tense when he answered.

“I just need to find somewhere for Dan to stay.”

“Dan,” Kyle says, thinking. “He’s the trafficked guy, yeah?”

Phil nods. “He was staying in a homeless shelter but they kicked him out, which I can’t believe is even allowed. They’re designed to help people yet they get to pick and choose who they help? It’s messed up.”

“It is,” Kyle agrees. After a few seconds, he says, “Hey,” to get Phil’s attention.

Phil hums to show he’s listening.

“Have you thought about protective custody?”

His eyes widen. He hadn’t thought about that. “No!” he says, voice going louder in excitement. “Thank you,” he adds earnestly. “I need to call Detective Kent right now.”

Kyle nods and pats his shoulder. “Good luck.” Phil smiles at him and Kyle turns away to go back to work.

“Detective Kent speaking,” she says when she picks up the phone.

“Hi. This is Phil Lester.”

“Oh, good to hear from you. What can I help you with?”

“I was hoping you could come to the hospital when you get the chance. It’s urgent.”

Phil hears her hum. “I’ll finish up this report and be right there.”

“Thank you, Detective.”

“Of course.”

Phil hangs up and sighs. Hopefully this will work.

A half hour later or so, Phil’s pager goes off. He’s upstairs in Dr Forrest’s office just waiting for the detective to arrive. He’s checked in with all his patients for now and it’s a relatively quiet day in the ED. He wasn’t sure he could focus anyway so he decided to take his break early.

“Hi, Detective,” Phil says once he’s in front of her.

“Hey, Dr Lester. What’s the problem?”

Phil leads her over to the wall where they are out of the way. “I was wondering if there’s any way we could get Dan into protective custody?”

“‘Protective custody’?” she mimics. Phil hums in confirmation. “We don’t have a suspect, much less an open investigation,” she tells him. “We legally can’t protect Dan unless he gives us information about the people who held him captive.”

“So talk to him.”

“I did,” she answers. Phil’s brows furrow; he’s not sure when she spoke to him because he’s almost certain it wasn’t while Dan was in the hospital. “I tried, anyway. I went to the shelter and he wouldn’t talk to me.”

“Well, now he’s going to have to sleep on the streets tonight, again. Are you okay with that?”

“No, of course not. But–” she tries to say but Phil interrupts.

“So, can we talk to him together? Maybe he’ll open up with me there.”

Detective Kent nods. “Let’s give it a shot.”

Phil smiles, hopeful again. He leads her over to treatment two and pulls the curtain open, revealing Dan. He’s still clutching his stomach. The two take a seat and after they’re settled, they begin.

“Dan, this is Detective Kent. I believe you’ve met before,” Phil explains. He notices Dan staring at her but not in her eyes. He looks distrustful. “She just needs to ask you a few questions, okay?” Phil doesn’t get a reply so after a short silence, he nods for Detective Kent to start.

“Did you ever hear any of them call each other by a name? Or a nickname?” she asks.

Phil watches as Dan folds in on himself, facing away from them. He shakes his head slightly but Phil knows it’s a lie. Everything about Dan’s behaviour tells Phil that. Detective Kent glances at Phil and he gives her a brief half-smile, showing that she’s picked up on Dan’s reluctance as well.

“Look, you don’t have to be afraid anymore. You can help us catch them.”

Dan glances up for a short second before looking away.

“Detective Kent is our friend,” Phil reminds him. “If you answer her questions, she can keep you safe.”

Dan doesn’t reply and Phil’s heart is beating hard in his chest. He looks to Detective Kent and she’s shaking her head, not that Dan can see.

“It may be a small detail you remember about the place that they kept you.” Dan shakes his head but the detective continues. “A landmark or any unusual sounds.”

Dan keeps shaking his head but stops after a second. “My stomach hurts,” he says, looking down at the end of the hospital bed.

Phil nods lightly and Detective Kent smiles at him sadly. It’s clear she wanted this to work just as much as Phil.

“I’m going to let you rest, okay?” Detective Kent says, placing her hand on the end of the bed. “You can call me any time,” she reminds Dan. She stands up to leave and Phil does the same.

“I’ll be right back, Dan,” he tells him. Dan nods and Phil follows the detective out of the room, closing the curtain behind him.

They walk together.

“He’s not ready,” Phil says as soon as they’re out of ear-reach.

“He’s obviously terrified,” Detective Kent agrees. “And I wish that I could help but my hands are tied here.”

Phil gives a tight smile and nods. He knows it’s true but that doesn’t make it hurt any less to hear. He just wants to help Dan but he can’t do that without Dan’s help and Dan’s far too scared to even consider giving information to the police, or Phil for that matter.

“Let me know if he changes his mind,” she says and Phil continues nodding.

“Okay,” he whispers.

“Good luck,” Detective Kent tells him, smiling and turning to leave.

Phil’s at a loss. He really thought Dan would open up if he knew the alternative was staying on the streets. Phil can’t find another place for him and he’ll keep looking but in all honesty, it’s not likely.

~~~~

After another hour of searching, Phil has to admit defeat. There are no homeless shelters anywhere in London with a free bed. He hates to say it but Dan’s going to be on the streets for another night, maybe more if the shelters don’t have a vacancy soon.

He pulls the curtain open and closes it behind him. He looks at Dan and sighs, unsure how he’s supposed to tell him he’s going to stay on the streets. He promised he’d help Dan and he can’t even keep a roof over his head, one of the most basic forms of help.

“You didn’t find me a place to stay,” Dan says, making the conclusion without Phil saying anything.

“No,” Phil tells him. When he sees Dan’s face drop, he can’t help but feel terrible. “Not yet,” he adds, even though he knows he’s checked every shelter in the area. Suddenly, he thinks of something. It’s not a permanent solution, but it’ll keep Dan off the streets for the night. “I’m going to recommend admitting you for the night if the pain in your stomach doesn’t subside.”

Dan lulls his head back and forth before settling on Phil. “My stomach’s actually feeling a little better.”

Phil wants to be mad despite Dan being in less pain being a good thing. “Just– if anyone asks, keep telling them it hurts.”

Dan scoffs lightly before closing his eyes for a second. “Are you angry with me?”

“What? No, no. I just want you to stay safe.” Dan nods and Phil’s at a loss for what to do. “I’ll, uh, I’ll check back in with you soon.”

Phil turns and goes to pull the curtain open but Dan calls him back.

“I have an idea,” he says. Phil steps forward so he isn’t right next to the door and nods for Dan to continue. “I– I could stay at your place tonight.”

Phil’s shocked to say the least. He never thought Dan would ask that. It’s not a terrible idea, and Phil’s not even as opposed to it as he thinks he should be, but it could never happen. He instantly starts thinking of Dr Forrest’s warnings and the legal department’s insistence on maintaining professional boundaries.

Dan continues. “If– If you’re worried about me using, then don’t be. I’m totally clean. I– I could sleep on the couch, or– or the floor even. You’d hardly even know I was there.”

“Dan, I don’t–” Phil says, mostly out of shock. So many thoughts are racing around his head and he’s kind of like a fish out of water. He’s never been in a situation like this and he has no idea what he’s supposed to do or say.

“I get it,” Dan tells him, shaking his head. Once he stops, he’s looking away from Dan and curling in on himself again. “Nevermind.”

“No, no, you just, uh, you caught me off–”

“Please, don’t,” Dan begs. “I’ve seen that look before. You don’t want someone like me staying at your place. I’m garbage.”

“No,” Phil says seriously. “The hospital has strict policies about doctor-patient relationships and I’m just a first-year resident.” Phil can see Dan shutting down and he steps forward. “I will figure something out,” he tells him, his tone giving away how serious he is.

After a second, Dan nods. “Okay.”

Phil leans away from Dan and gives him a firm nod before pulling the curtain open and leaving.

~~~~

With a huff, Phil knocks on Dr Forrest’s door. He’s actually been putting this off for a little bit. He already knows she won’t be happy about this recent development. Phil checked in with Luke, Liz and his two other patients. The fifth patient that was under his care got discharged the day before, something Phil forgot when he went to her room only to find it empty.

“Come in,” Dr Forrest calls from inside. Phil pushes the door open and sees Ruby on her phone, typing quickly. “Dr Lester,” she says after looking up.

“Hi.”

“What can I help you with?”

“Dan,” Phil says simply. Dr Forrest puts her phone down and gives Phil her complete attention. “I couldn’t find a place for him to stay. When I went and told him, he asked to stay at my place for the night.”

“Dan wants to stay at your place,” Dr Forrest says, not asking for confirmation but merely processing what Phil said.

Phil nods his head. “Yeah,” he sighs.

“Well, I mean it makes perfect sense, right? Now that he’s free of the traffickers, he has this big void in his life that he wants to fill with you. Obviously it can’t be entertained.”

Phil swallows to remove the lump in his throat. “Then again, rejecting him now could just be reinforcing the abandonment issues he’s already feeling.”

Dr Forrest stares at Phil. “Wait,” she says, pausing. “Did you come here to ask for my permission?”

Did he? Phil hadn’t really thought of it that way but he supposes that’s exactly what he’s here for.

“The system’s incapable of keeping a roof over his head and we can’t let him sleep on the streets, it’s too dangerous. It’d be just for the one night,” Phil says, trying to sound convincing.

“Dr Lester, having a patient stay in your home,” she tells him, her tone making it sound like a question. “Maintaining professional boundaries is a fundamental part of our work.” Phil opens his mouth to speak but Dr Forrest continues. “Again, to protect both the patients–”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t see any other options,” Phil tells her. He’s made up his mind and honestly, he doesn’t care what Dr Forrest tells him. He needs to keep Dan safe; that’s all that matters.

Phil’s already turning and grabbing the door handle to leave when Dr Forrest speaks up.

“Phil,” she says, using his first name.

He knows that means he’s in trouble but he ignores her anyway. She may be his superior, but she’s not looking out for Dan’s best interest anymore. Not if that means letting Dan stay on the streets. That’s not in anyone’s best interest.

“Phil,” Dr Forrest calls again, from closer behind Phil. He doesn’t need to look back to know she’s following him down the corridor.

He uses the emergency stairwell to get downstairs faster. He knows Dan’s going to be discharged soon and he needs some clothes for Dan to wear. He goes into the storage room where there are plenty of tubs full of lost clothes.

The door to the room is pushed open and Phil looks up to see Rachel.

“Hey, do you think this will fit Dan?” he asks, holding up the maroon jacket in his hands.

“I guess,” she says. “Listen, about Dan–”

“Oh, could you do me a favour and see if there’s any spare blankets in here? I want to take some home.”

Phil doesn’t wait to get a reply. He just folds up the jacket, drapes it over his arm and leaves the storage room. He doesn’t even register the sound of Rachel following him out of the room.

When he pulls open the curtain to treatment two, he sees an empty bed. His heart instantly jumps into his throat and he spins, looking around in case Dan’s just up and taking a walk. He sees Rachel looking at him with sad eyes.

“Where is he?” Phil asks, the panic not failing to reach his voice.

“I’m sorry, I tried to stop him but he was just so desperate to leave.”

Phil can hear the distress in his own voice but he doesn’t care. “Did he say where he was going?”

“He just said that he’s going back where he belongs,” she tells him. Phil feels like he’s going to be sick. He pushes past her, not caring how rude it is, and rushes out the front of the hospital. His hands ring the jacket between them as he desperately looks around.

Dan’s nowhere to be seen.

All of a sudden, he gags. He feels sick and his head is swimming. He rushes to the side of the hospital where there’s a garden and throws up his lunch. Seconds later, he feels a hand rubbing his back.

“You’re alright,” the person says. Phil recognises the voice as Kyle’s.

He throws up again and then spits to clear his mouth. He stands up with tears in his eyes and looks at Kyle.

“Help,” he begs.

Kyle nods and leads him back inside. Dr Forrest comes over to them and Phil glares at her.

“He’s gone. I never should have hesitated,” he tells her. She doesn’t answer and Kyle leads him away and to the doctor’s lounge, seating him on the couch.

“Here,” he says, handing Phil a glass of water.

Phil takes it greedily and chugs the drink, puffing lightly afterwards. Kyle goes back to the sink and refills it for him, placing it on the coffee table.

“It’ll be alright,” Kyle tells him, sitting down next to Phil and continuing to rub his back.

Phil bends in on himself, resting his elbows on his knees. He rubs his face and sobs, leaning into Kyle’s touch until he’s leaning entirely on his friend.

Dan’s gone and it’s all his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, what’s going to happen next! Let me know what you think! Your comments mean the world to me! And thank you to everyone who’s left kudos!


	6. Search

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes it’s been a while! I’ve been struggling with motivation to write this past week but I’m back on track now!
> 
> TW: Mentions of death & mentions of comas.

After Phil calms down, he pushes himself onto his feet and says he’s going back to work. Kyle thinks he should take a longer break but Phil insists he doesn’t need it. He doesn’t push anymore after that.

As Phil works the rest of his shift, he gets increasingly more sad and worried looks. He wants to snap and ask someone if there’s something on his face but he knows there’s not. He knows their looks are that of pity and Phil hates them more than anything.

Once Phil’s shift ends, he goes straight to Dr Forrest’s office to grab his backpack. She tries to talk to him but Phil ignores her. He’s not in the mood to deal with her. This is all her fault. Well, it’s not. Realistically, he knows it’s not. He knows it’s his own fault. But he’s not ready to admit that and blaming Dr Forrest is much easier than admitting that Dan’s missing because of _him_.

“Phil,” Kyle says, coming out of the doctors’ lounge as he walks past. “Have you heard anything from Detective Kent?”

“Not yet,” Phil says, pulling on the straps of his backpack to resituate it. It’s more of a nervous habit; the bag sits on his back perfectly without the need for alterations.

“Hang in there. Dan’s a survivor. The police will find him.”

Phil wants to scoff. He’s been listening to other people’s advice all day and look where that got him. If only he listened to himself for once, Dan might not be out on the street.

“I’m not just going to sit around and do nothing,” Phil says, noting how offended he sounds even though he hadn’t meant to. He knows Kyle won’t take it the wrong way; he understands Phil like no one else does.

“You’re going to go looking for him?”

Phil gives him a blank stare until he realises it’s an actual question. He nods and Kyle gives him the same look everyone’s been giving him all afternoon.

“Phil, it’s a big city.”

Phil shrugs. He knows that, but that doesn’t mean he cares.

“Phil, come on,” Kyle says, tone making it sound like Phil’s idea is preposterous. He supposes it kind of is.

Phil hardens his face and he must pick up that he’s completely serious about this.

He sighs. “Give me a minute. I’ll come with you.”

Phil watches for a few seconds, untrusting for no reason in particular, until he nods. He’s thankful, really. Two sets of eyes are better than one and Kyle will help Phil stay sane.

“Okay, where do we start?” Kyle asks once he’s got his own bag on his back.

“I was thinking the homeless shelter? I know there are no spots for him but maybe he made his way in that direction?”

Kyle nods. “It’s a good place to start.”

So they do that. Both of them hold their bags in their laps as they catch a bus over to the shelter. Once they arrive, Phil knocks on the door and it’s opened by one of the employees.

“Hello,” the employee says, eyeing their clothing. Phil doesn’t doubt they’d have been turned away if they weren’t wearing their hospital uniforms. “Come in,” she says instead.

They follow her inside, immediately enjoying the warmth the place has to offer. Phil looks around, seeing more than twenty homeless people camped around a small radiator. There are other groups of people strewn about, all in equally tattered clothes. The room is filled with rows of beds and at the end, near them, is a long table still covered in piles of dirty bowls.

“We’re looking for a man named Daniel Howell. He stayed here the night before last night.”

The employee nods. “I remember him,” she says, “but he hasn’t been in since that night.”

“Since you kicked him out,” Phil mumbles under his breath. “Do you maybe have a photo of him?” Phil asks her next.

She sticks her hip out to the side as she thinks. “We don’t take photos of anyone who comes in here but we do have a volunteer who does amateur photography. I could give him a call and see if he has one?”

Phil nods. “Please do,” he says thankfully. It’ll be so much easier to search for Dan if they have a photo. They won’t have to try and describe him; they can just show people and ask.

“Take a seat. I’ll let you know soon.”

They take a seat at the dining table after clearing a small area and wait. Phil watches the homeless people interact and finds a weird sort of comfort in it. He doesn’t enjoy it, it’s honestly a little depressing, but knowing that there are places like this to help people makes him feel a bit better.

Until he remembers why Dan’s missing in the first place. He remembers that these people kicked him out. When Phil looks around, he sees a woman in the corner cradling a small baby. She is no doubt the woman Dan talked about. And Phil tries not to blame her – she deserves a bed just as much as Dan – but he can’t help but feel hostile. Dan was here first, he shouldn’t be kicked out just so she can have a roof over her head. Worst comes to worst, they should have to share a bed. That’s still better than Dan being on the streets.

“He has a photo. Do you have an email he can send it to?” the employee asks after more than five minutes of waiting. Phil turns to look at her and she’s holding the phone to her chest, covering the microphone.

“Yes.” Phil gives her his work email and she repeats what he says into the phone.

“Okay, he’s going to send it through. You’re welcome to wait until it’s through, just in case there are any problems.”

“Thank you,” Kyle says when Phil stays silent. He’s still thinking about the fact that this shelter, likely this woman, kicked Dan out when he needed it most. This is their fault. He can’t help but think there are a lot of people at fault here. Dr Forrest, the hospital’s legal department, the shelter. _And me._

His phone pings.

 _And me._ That thought scares Phil. It’s his fault. It’s not anyone else’s. This is entirely his fault.

“Phil?” Kyle asks, probably having heard the ping himself.

Dr Forrest is doing her job. She’s looking out for her patients and her staff. That’s what she’s supposed to do. She’s not at fault.

The hospital’s legal department is long lists of documents carefully crafted to protect staff and anyone who comes in for treatment. They’re not at fault.

The shelter is in a triage situation all of the time. There are too many homeless people and not enough shelters. They have to pick who needs the bed most. The shelter is not at fault.

But Phil. Phil is Dan’s doctor. His job is to look after Dan. That’s exactly what his job is. He doesn’t have other priorities like everyone else involved. He’s supposed to protect Dan and he’s failed. Only Phil is at fault.

“Phil,” Kyle says, getting his attention. He sniffles and blinks at Kyle. “We’ll find him,” he says.

Phil shakes his head and touches his face, feeling the tears on his cheeks smear with the pressure of his fingers.

“Come on, check your phone,” Kyle coaxes.

Phil nods and reaches into his back pocket for his phone. He’s got an email from someone he’s never heard of before and opens it. There’s no subject and no text, just a picture of Dan.

“Can you send it to me? And then we can go look.”

Phil nods again and clicks the forward button. Once he’s typed in Kyle’s email, he presses send and seconds later, Kyle’s phone makes the same sound that Phil’s had.

“Let’s go,” Kyle says, standing up and holding out his hand to help Phil up. Phil notices Kyle smile and wave goodbye at the employee. Phil forces himself not to glare at the new mother when she smiles at him and then looks back to her baby.

The second they’re outside, Phil feels the cold seep into his skin again. He briefly hopes Dan isn’t on the streets but he shakes that thought from his mind. If Dan’s not on the streets tonight then he’s back with– no, Phil can’t think like that. He has to hold out hope that Dan somehow found a shelter or is staying somewhere at least slightly warm.

“You alright, Phil?” Kyle asks him. “You’re awfully quiet.”

Phil looks at Kyle and can’t help as more tears come. “I’m scared,” he says.

“I know,” Kyle says, smiling at him sadly, “but we’ll find him.”

“We have to. I can’t– he can’t– I–”

“I know, Phil,” Kyle says, rubbing Phil’s arm to comfort him. “We’ll find him,” he repeats, nodding.

Phil nods too, not that he really believes Kyle’s words. He’s not usually so pessimistic but with Rachel telling him what Dan said, it’s hard to stay hopeful. He doesn’t let himself think about where Dan could be now, about what could be happening to Dan now. He’s safe, Phil has to believe he is. If he doesn’t, searching is all for naught.

After a few hours, it’s almost midnight. Phil’s asked well over one hundred people and Kyle’s asked just as many. It’s not like Phil expected the first person he asked to point him right to Dan, but he didn’t realise just how many people there are in London.

They’re only a few blocks from the shelter and they’ve slowly been making their way back into the middle of the city, where it’s busier.

“We should stop for the night, we still have work tomorrow,” Kyle says a little after half-past-eleven.

“You can head home if you want. I’m going to keep looking,” Phil says, not even stopping to properly say goodnight to him. He can’t stop. Stopping is wasted time. And Dan might not have much time.

Kyle grabs Phil’s arm, forcing him to a stop. “We’ve already done a few hours tonight. We can look again in the morning but we need to stop now. You’ll exhaust yourself if you don’t.”

Phil’s brows furrow and he stares at Kyle, trying to find something to latch onto. He’s not sure what; maybe something that tells him he can keep going. Whatever he’s looking for, it’s not there. He sighs and closes his eyes, feeling the cold wind rushing across his features.

“Okay,” he says quietly.

Kyle nods and calls them a cab for them to take home. Once the cabbie arrives, Kyle gives the man his address and explains that Phil will need to be taken home after him. The cabbie’s happy to do this and asks if the bill will be split. Kyle tells him no, that he’ll pay for the whole trip.

Phil stares out the window on the short trip to Kyle’s house. He’s numb. He’s not sure what to feel so his brain apparently decided feeling nothing was the best option. What is anyone supposed to feel in this situation anyway?

“Phil, I want you to go home, have some tea and go to sleep, okay? I’ll come over in the morning.”

Phil nods, not really listening.

“I mean it, Phil. No more looking tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” Phil whispers, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the cool glass.

Kyle must be satisfied as he gives the cabbie his bank card and Phil’s address.

Once Phil arrives home, he climbs out of the cab. He doesn’t say goodnight, which is unusual for him. He just can’t care right now, though.

He goes up the stairs and unlocks the door to his apartment. He stops and looks into the kitchen, seeing his bowl from breakfast still in the sink. He ignores it and goes straight to the bedroom. He strips his clothes off, chucking them on the floor, and climbs straight into bed. He’s too tired to make tea. He’d probably spill the water and end up back in the ED, only this time not as a doctor.

It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep, thankfully. Lately, he’s been up thinking about anything and everything until the early hours of the morning. Tonight, though, exhaustion has settled in and his usually-active mind is quiet. Well, as quiet as it can be. His thoughts are still filled with Dan.

~~~~

Phil wakes up from the sun on his face. He groans and rolls over, closing his eyes tightly in an attempt to block out the light. He was too tired the night before to remember to close his blackout curtains, apparently. He silently curses past-Phil for not remembering how bright the morning sun is.

His eyes snap open as he remembers the last night. He sits up and looks around, as if Dan’s just going to be sitting in his bedroom waiting for him. He groans and rubs his eyes, getting rid of the sleep.

Once his coffee is brewing, he washes yesterday’s breakfast bowl and checks his phone. He’s got a message.

_6:22 am - Mum: Hi honey. Won’t be able to make lunch today. Something came up._

Phil huffs. On the one hand, it’s a good thing. He hadn’t even remembered he was supposed to have lunch with her with everything going on. On the other hand, though, this is entirely typical.

He knows she was a good mother for years but after his dad left, she started withdrawing from him. She still tries to be there for Phil but she’s always cancelling. Phil hasn’t seen her in over a year. Actually, if Phil thinks about it, the last time he saw her was his graduation, almost a year and a half ago.

The doorbell ringing takes him out of his thoughts, though. His mother doesn’t matter. Phil’s happy on his own.

Phil unlocks his front door and sees Kyle, who’s hair is messy from the wind. He didn’t even know it was windy but now that he’s door’s open, he can hear it pushing through the small hallway.

“Come in,” Phil says, stepping aside so Kyle can come in. He makes himself at home on the couch.

“How’d you sleep?” Kyle asks casually, lying down and closing his eyes.

“Pretty good, considering.”

“That’s good. My neighbours had another party and kept me up all night.”

“You know your welcome here when that happens,” Phil reminds him gently. “Coffee?” he offers.

“Black, thanks.” Phil nods and grabs a second mug for Kyle. After the coffees are prepared, he joins him on the couch. Kyle sits up and accepts the Game of Thrones mug that Phil offers.

“Did you have breakfast?” Phil asks.

Kyle holds up the mug in cheers and takes a sip. “This is breakfast,” he says afterwards.

Phil rolls his eyes with a chuckle and grabs the TV remote to turn it on. He settles on the news; it’s more background noise than anything.

Once he finishes his coffee, Phil excuses himself to go get changed. He brushes his teeth and hair too before returning to Kyle.

“Ready to go?” he asks when he comes back into the lounge. Kyle’s lying on the couch with closed eyes again.

He hums and blinks his eyes open. “Yep, just give me a minute.”

Phil laughs but agrees. “I’ll clean the mugs and then we can head out.”

Five minutes later, they’re on the streets of London again. Phil’s feeling better after a night’s rest but he’s still just as anxious. The difference is he isn’t fatigued after a long day at work this morning.

~~~~

“Have you seen this person?” Phil asks, holding his phone out to the homeless man. Kyle’s taken him to the poorer ends of the city, saying that Dan’s more likely to end up there than in the richer parts. “His name is Dan.”

The man shakes his head and lifts his hands up to light the cigarette in his mouth. Phil nods his thanks and moves on. They’ve been out in the streets for just over an hour now.

“Maybe he found a shelter,” Kyle says, not for the first time.

“Yeah, maybe,” Phil agrees even though both of them know Phil doesn’t believe a word of it.

“Or he could have been riding the train all night to stay warm.”

“Kyle, I know you’re trying to make me feel better but it’s not going to work.”

“I’m not. I’m just saying we can’t look everywhere. And we have to head to work in a few.”

Phil nods and then shakes his head. “You can go ahead. I’m going to keep looking.” He walks away from Kyle and approaches the next small group of homeless people.

“Excuse me,” Phil says, already holding out his phone to show the photo. The woman he spoke to got up and turned to go inside the tent. “Excuse me,” Phil calls a bit louder. He can’t help but feel angry and annoyed. He’s been getting more agitated as each minute passes and this woman just got up and ignored him.

“Phil,” Kyle says urgently. Phil goes to chase after the woman, wanting his damn answer, but Kyle grabs his arm. “Phil, calm down.”

He sighs and looks at Kyle, realising how unrealistic he’s being. He just really needs to find Dan.

“Westminster’s much more popular than here. We’ll check it out tonight after our shift.”

Phil swallows and looks around, seeing all these homeless people watching them with distrustful eyes.

“Okay,” he agrees, nodding. They turn and leave, Kyle’s hand resting on his elbow both to comfort him and to guide him.

No one looks at Phil with sad eyes when they enter the ED. Everyone’s gone back to normal. Even Dr Forrest greets him happily, though Phil can see at least a little sadness and guilt in her eyes.

 _Good_ , Phil thinks. _She deserves it._

Still, he changes into his uniform and gets to work. He asks Dr Forrest what needs to be done and she gives him the file for a new patient who came into the ED overnight.

~~~~

During his lunch break, Phil goes to the outdoor area. It’s on one of the upper floors of the hospital, an area only accessible to the staff. It’s nice, even if the breeze is a little cool. Phil’s got a view of the city as he drinks his third coffee for the day.

Kyle sits down opposite him and puts his own coffee on the table. Phil glances up from his phone before returning to stare at it until the screen goes dark. He clicks it back on and unlocks it immediately.

“I thought we could go to the Royal College of Nursing on the weekend,” Kyle says, taking a sip of his coffee once he’s finished.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Phil agrees, not looking up from his phone.

“They’ve got an exhibit on the history of medicine that seems interesting.”

Phil hums but Kyle doesn’t continue. He looks up after a few seconds and sees Kyle looking at him. Phil feels guilty for not paying attention.

“I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

“You still haven’t heard anything about Dan, have you?” he says, already knowing what has Phil so distracted. Phil gives him a tight smile.

“No.”

“He’ll turn up,” Kyle says, trying to be reassuring. Phil’s been telling himself that all day and he still doesn’t believe it.

“You don’t know that.” Phil glances at his phone. “He’s helpless and alone out there.”

“And we’ve been out there looking for him. There’s nothing more that you or I can do.”

Phil shakes his head. “I could have let him stay with me when he asked.”

“No, Phil, you couldn’t have. That’s not your responsibility.”

Phil stares for a few seconds before giving a hum of agreement. He goes back to looking at his phone, almost certain that Kyle knows just as well as he does that he didn’t believe a word Kyle said.

“He found you when he needed you in the past,” Kyle tells him. Phil looks at him, scared. “He’ll turn up.”

He stares for a few seconds before smiling at Kyle. Even if he can’t bring himself to believe it, he’s thankful for Kyle’s support. He’s sure he’d be freaking out tenfold if it wasn’t for him.

After a few minutes of them sitting in silence and drinking their coffees, Phil’s pager goes off. He’s still on break technically but there’s an emergency in the psych ward. That’s just one of the many joys of working in emergency medicine. He doesn’t always get full breaks or get to leave on time at the end of the day.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Phil says, already standing. Kyle nods as Phil rushes off and turns towards the elevators.

~~~~

“Hey,” Detective Kent says, coming up to Phil and stopping next to him.

Phil’s staring at his phone still, waiting for an update from Dan. Realistically, he knows it’s not coming; Dan doesn’t have his phone number or any social media. He might not even have access to the internet. But still, staring at his phone helps him feel like he isn’t being left out of the loop.

He clicks his phone off and turns to face the detective, frowning immediately when he sees her sour expression.

“Is there somewhere we can go talk for a minute?” Detective Kent asks gently.

Phil can feel his heart hammering in his chest. Those words never mean anything good. He knows those words. They’re used when doctors have to inform family members of bad news, usually that they’re loved one has passed away.

Oh god, what if Dan’s passed away? Phil feels the familiar sick feeling that he felt when he learnt Dan had run back to his captors.

“Did you find Dan?” Phil asks, not answering her question. He doesn’t need to be coddled. If Dan’s dead, he needs to know now.

He watches anxiously as the detective looks around, probably determining if the middle of the always-busy ED is a private enough place to answer his question.

“He’s dead, isn’t he?” Phil asks, already knowing the answer. Detective Kent’s desire for privacy is answer enough.

Her eyes widen, though, surprising Phil. “No, no. He’s alive.”

Phil chokes on a sob. He releases the breath he was holding subconsciously and nods, telling himself silently that _it’s okay, Dan’s safe, he’s okay_.

But now he’s more confused than worried. Why did Detective Kent want privacy?

“Is he here?” Phil asks. If Dan’s in the building, he needs to see him. He needs to confirm with his own eyes that Dan’s okay.

“Yes.”

He turns to the nurse standing on the other side of the desk. He’s not sure when he got there.

“Why wasn’t I paged?” he snaps at him. The nurse looks up, confused and mildly panicked.

“I’m sorry?” he asks.

“Dan came into the ED. Why wasn’t I paged?” Phil says, only getting angrier.

Detective Kent puts her hand on his shoulder.

“Dan did come into the ED. He wasn’t here long.”

“What?” Phil asks, panicking again. “Where is he then? Don’t tell me they let him leave!”

“No. Phil, Dan’s upstairs in the ICU.” Phil swallows, his stomach dropping with the horrible feeling of anticipation. “He’s in a coma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focussed more on Phil’s relationship with the different people in his life. I hope you liked seeing a little bit more about Phil’s life outside the hospital!
> 
> Next chapter will be out before Wednesday!


	7. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, um, let’s just pretend Friday is now Wednesday, yeah? Sounds good? Legit though, uni goes back for me next week and I completely underestimated how much work I had to do before it starts.
> 
> I’ll try and have another chapter out on Monday but I should probably stop making commitments since I never seem to keep them. Anyway, enjoy!
> 
> TW: Blood, comas, alcohol & mentions of vomiting.

“Where is he?” Phil asks the nurse sitting at the station in the middle of the intensive care unit.

“Excuse me?” she asks, looking at Phil. Detective Kent catches up to him and puts her hand on his shoulder.

“Daniel Howell.”

“In here, Phil,” the detective says. Phil smiles apologetically at the nurse and follows her.

Detective Kent pulls the curtain open and Phil gasps, rushing into the room and standing next to Dan. His face is swollen and red-turning-purple. His cheek has a bandage on it and his lower lip has a large cut that’s already started to scab. His hair is matted, stuck to his face. Phil’s seen enough patients come through the ED to know that it’s from blood, not sweat or water. He feels sick.

“Was he beaten into a coma?” Phil asks, looking up at Detective Kent who has taken the spot opposite Phil.

“It looks that way,” she says with a small nod. “He was found on the streets, though. He could have been dumped there but it seems unlikely. It’s more likely he escaped and then collapsed.”

Phil nods and looks back at Dan. He doesn’t mean to but he brushes Dan’s hair off his face gently. No blood comes off onto his fingers – it’s been caked onto his head for a while.

“I’m sorry it worked out this way.” Phil looks at her briefly. “I have to get back to the station.”

Phil nods. “It’s alright. I’ll, um, I’m going to stay here.”

“Of course. Call me if anything changes, okay?”

Phil nods again. She rubs his shoulder for a second before stepping away, closing the door behind her.

He sits for a few minutes, just watching Dan’s chest rise and fall.

“Nurse,” he calls after opening the door.

“Yes?” one of them replies immediately.

“Where can I find a damp cloth? I want to clean his hair.”

The nurse nods. “I’ll bring one through in a minute.”

“Thank you.”

He returns to sit next to Dan until the cloth is brought in. The nurse places a small trey half-filled with water on the bed in front of him too.

“Be careful not to wet the dressing.”

Phil nods and she leaves the room. He stands up to lean over Dan. After wetting the cloth and squeezing out most of the water, he starts dabbing at Dan’s forehead. It’s red but not from the swelling – it’s been stained by his blood not being wiped off.

Once Dan’s forehead is clean, Phil moves onto cleaning his hair. He pulls out the clumps of blood with his short nails and puts them on his seat to dispose of. Phil imagines most people would probably find this job gross but Phil’s seen far worse than this. At least Dan’s not bleeding; the blood’s old.

Ten minutes later, Dan’s hair is a lot less matted. Phil runs his fingers through his hair a few times in a poor attempt to comb it. It doesn’t look much better but once his hair dries, it shouldn’t stick to his skin.

Once he’s tidied up, he takes a seat next to Dan’s side again. After another fifteen minutes of sitting and watching, there’s a knock on the glass door.

Dr Forrest smiles and hits the side of the door as she enters. “I just heard.”

Phil nods, not really sure what to say.

~~~~

After a short chat, Dr Forrest makes Phil return to work. It’s fair enough; he’s on the clock and he’s already taken his break. That doesn’t mean he’s happy about it, though. And he voices his displeasure, but she doesn’t seem to care. She just insists that Dan isn’t going anywhere – a joke supposed to lighten the mood – and that Phil has other responsibilities. 

So Phil relents and agrees to check in with his other patients. And he does. He checks in with his four patients and writes up his daily reports for each of them. That takes a few hours and after he’s finished, he goes to find Dr Forrest. He has a question that’s been bugging him for an hour now.

“Come in,” Dr Forrest calls after Phil knocks. She sits back in her chair when she sees Phil. “What can I do for you?” she asks.

“I want to understand why Dan couldn’t stay with me.”

Her eyes widen slightly before returning to normal. “We’ve covered this before. It’s crucial that everyone maintains professional boundaries with all patients.”

Phil takes a seat. “I’ve seen nurses and doctors treating family countless times. And surely friends should be less strict than family.”

“That’s a very different situation.”

“How?”

“Because they’re being treated in emergency situations.”

“When Dan came in it was an emergency situation. That’s why he was admitted to the ED.”

Dr Forrest sighs. “And Dr Baker treated him for his physical problems. Treating psychiatric conditions is a different ball game, Phil, you know that.”

“Do I?” Phil challenges. Dr Forrest’s logic doesn’t hold up. People treat friends and family if they come in. They aren’t just going to turn people away at the door because their sister is a doctor or their brother is a resident.

“Phil, you can’t have Dan stay at your place. That’s just the way it is.”

“What if I don’t treat him? What if one of the other doctors treated him? Then I’m not his doctor; I’d just be a friend.”

“You’ve already treated him, Phil,” she says, sighing again.

“Can I ask something?”

“Shoot.”

“Why don’t the rules apply to you?”

Dr Forrest’s face hardens. “Excuse you. I follow the rules just as strictly as I insist my _residents_ do. Remember that you are not an attending, Dr Lester. You can lose your place here for very small things. You don’t want to tempt the board. Your career will be over before it even starts.”

“What about Emily then?”

“I didn’t treat her. You did. I was only her mother.”

“Except you did, and you weren’t. You became involved in her treatment when you forced her into a five-day psych hold. A citizen can’t do that so you used your powers as head of psychiatry. You also looked at her file.”

Phil watches her swallow and close her eyes briefly.

“Yes, it’s true that I placed her under a psychiatric–”

“So why is Dan different?” Phil interrupts.

Dr Forrest leans forward with a sigh and folds her hands on her desk. “What are you hoping to get from this conversation?”

“Ideally, permission to take Dan home when he wakes up.”

“If, Phil. There’s no way of knowing yet if he’s going to wake up.”

Phil glares at her. “I want permission to invite Dan to stay with me _when_ he wakes up.”

“I can’t do that Phil. It’s a terrible idea for both of you.”

“I’m taking him home either way.”

“You know that you’ll never be able to become a doctor if you get caught, right? And you will get caught.”

“I don’t–” Phil pauses and closes his eyes. He’s terrified and Dr Forrest probably knows that because Phil can feel his shoulders shaking. But this is something he has to do. He’s making his bed, and he’ll lay in it until the very end. “If Dan refuses to be admitted, I’ll petition the hospital to allow it. If I refuse to treat him then I’m in the same position as you and Emily. I would be no more than a friend.”

Dr Forrest stares at him and Phil stares right back, face stoney despite the shake in his shoulders. He’s completely serious and he’s not changing his mind. She must sense that as she huffs and leans back into her chair again.

“Fine,” she concedes, “but this is a very dangerous game to play. Be prepared to lose your place as a resident if things don’t go perfectly.”

Phil swallows and nods once. Things will be fine. Phil won’t treat Dan and then he’s just a friend. How can the board deny Phil his residency for having a friend be treated in the same hospital? It would be so hypocritical of them.

~~~~

“Ready to go?” Kyle asks, standing by the door as Phil collects his belongings from his locker.

“Sorry?”

“To Westminster?” he prompts. Phil looks at him blankly. “To look for Dan?”

His mind clears. “The police found him earlier. You must have been on break.”

Kyle’s eyebrows furrow. “Why don’t you sound happy about that?”

Phil sighs. “He’s in a coma and it’s still too early to know if he’ll wake up.”

“Shit. That’s– wow.”

Phil laughs lightly. “Yeah.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m not the one in a coma.”

“But he is your patient.”

Phil hates the way that makes him feel. It’s true. Dan is his patient. So why does it feel like that word doesn’t encapsulate their relationship?

“I’m fine,” Phil answers, voice harsher than he means it to be.

“Okay, okay,” Kyle says, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

Phil nods. “See ya.”

“Night.”

Kyle pulls the door open and leaves Phil alone in the lounge. Sighing, Phil pushes his locker shut and hears it click. He pulls the door open and jogs to catch up with Kyle.

“Wanna go to Marcus’?”

Kyle grins. “You read my mind, Lester.”

They take a cab to the bar. Their feet are sore after being on them all day. Yet another joy of working in a hospital. At least they’ve got good shoes with lots of spongy padding.

Phil also plans on getting so drunk he can’t think straight. He doesn’t want to think anymore. He needs a break from everything going on in his life. Not that there’s actually too much going on. It doesn’t make sense, he knows that. He just needs a break, desperately.

“Round of shots, please,” Phil says as soon as he’s taken a seat at the bar. Kyle sits next to him.

Marcus laughs. “No beating around the bush tonight, ‘ey boys?”

Phil closes his eyes. “I need a night off, okay?” he snaps before opening his eyes again. “Sorry. Just, stressed, I guess.”

“No worries, mate,” Marcus says happily. He places their shot glasses on the bar and fills them up before pushing one towards each of them. “Enjoy.”

“What was that about?” Kyle asks, amused. “You’re never like that.”

“Can’t a man just have a drink in peace and not have to explain himself?”

Kyle nods with a laugh. “Fair enough. Not in the mood to be your therapist anyway.”

Phil picks up his glass, tips it into his mouth, swallows and puts the glass on the table loudly. “Good.”

~~~~

An hour later, they’re both way past tipsy. Kyle swings his arm around Phil’s shoulder, holding himself up.

“Hi,” he says, too loudly for the distance between them. Kyle trips and spills part of his drink over his hand.

“Hi,” Phil answers, equally as loud.

Kyle removes his arm and pulls Phil to stand up. “Dance with me,” he says, tugging Phil towards the small dancefloor down a few steps from the bar. Phil is only just able to get his drink glass on the bar before he’s pulled away.

Just when they start dancing, Phil’s phone buzzes in his pocket, making him jump. He’d forgotten it was there.

It’s a notification from his bank, telling him £1,000 has been transferred into his account. He opens it up, confused and delirious from the alcohol.

_Payment of £1000.00 from Sophie Marie Lester. Description: Sorry for missing lunch - Mum._

Phil’s eyebrows furrow subconsciously.

“Man, I wish my parents would apologise like that. All I get is a call,” Kyle says, leaning against Phil. He’s not sure when he got there.

Phil scoffs. “This requires no effort. Calling requires actual time and energy. I bet she didn’t even do this; her assistant probably did.”

Kyle pats his shoulder. “Sorry, mate.”

“It’s whatever. Tonight’s my treat now.”

Kyle grins. “I like the sound of that. Now put your phone away and dance with me.”

Phil shoves his phone deep into his pocket and takes Kyle’s hands, letting him push and pull them around, not at all in time with the music. Their dancing is sloppy but neither care; they’re both too drunk.

At one point, ten or so minutes later, Kyle trips and in an attempt to catch himself, grabs onto Phil. Unfortunately, Phil’s still dancing and doesn’t realise until Kyle’s hand is literally gripping his ass.

“Dude,” Phil laughs. “That’s a no-no zone.”

Kyle laughs loudly and stands himself back up. “It’s a nice ass though. I’d know.”

Phil squints at him. It’s suddenly too bright in the bar and Kyle’s face is blurring.

“We should–” Phil hiccups. “We should go home.”

“Whose?”

Phil squeezes his eyes closed, trying to think through the thick cloud created by the alcohol. “Your’s.”

Kyle nods and then collapses against Phil, laughing even though nothing funny happened. “You call the cab. I need to piss.” Kyle pushes himself up again and stares at Phil for too long before turning to leave as if they hadn’t been staring at each other for almost forty seconds.

Phil gets his phone out and books a cab online. He’s too wasted to think clearly enough to verbally call someone and explain where they are and where they’re going.

He pays the bill and once Kyle’s back at his side, they make their way through the doors and onto the pavement. It’s a lot darker outside even though it’s almost the middle of the city. The only lights come from the occasional apartment window and the street lamps. It must be later than Phil realised.

A few minutes of waiting in the cold London night later, a cab pulls up to the bar.

“Cab for Lester?” the cabbie says after he’s rolled down the window.

Phil nods and pulls the door open to climb in. Kyle follows after him.

They make it back to Kyle’s apartment without Phil throwing up in the car. He felt pretty nauseous about halfway into the short drive but pressing his head against the cold glass of the window helped him keep the contents of his stomach inside his body.

Once he gets into Kyle’s house, Phil collapses onto the couch. Phil hears rummaging sounds from behind him and a minute later, Kyle is next to him with two bottles of beer. Phil hates beer but he’s still drunk and his taste buds are already muted by the shots.

Kyle puts a movie on for them to watch but within five minutes, Phil’s distracted. Nothing’s even happening to distract him. He’s just staring at the side of Kyle’s face, watching his watery eyes focusing on the bright screen in the pitch-black room.

Phil rubs his own eyes before remembering that he’s wearing contacts. They peel from his eyes and he excuses himself to the bathroom, more blind than he would be without contacts or glasses. At least he knows the layout of Kyle’s flat almost back to front.

Once he’s got his contacts out – which only involved poking his eyes six times – he makes his way back to the lounge. Kyle’s got another beer in his hand, having chugged the first one. Phil will never understand how Kyle enjoys the taste of beer.

When Phil sits down, Kyle crawls over and wraps his arm around Phil’s shoulder.

They go back to watching the movie but, again, within minutes Phil’s distracted. This time though, Phil can’t stare at Kyle nearly as subtly.

“Like what you see?” he asks when he catches Phil watching. When Kyle turns to look at Phil, their faces are so close together that they’re sharing breaths.

Phil, far too drunk to think clearly, nods. “Yeah,” he breathes out.

Kyle, much to Phil’s surprise, laughs. “You’re fit, Phil,” he says quietly. “Really fit.” He pushes his face against Phil’s, letting their foreheads and noses touch. If Phil were sober, he’s sure his heart would be palpitating out of his chest right now. As it is, he’s not even remotely uncomfortable. This feels right in a way Phil hasn’t felt in a long time.

Following the feeling in his chest, he tilts his head, connecting their lips. Kyle reciprocates and their lips move together for a few seconds. Kyle’s tongue slides across Phil’s bottom lip in request and Phil opens his mouth, tasting beer on his tongue.

Minutes later, they’re both hot and stuffy. Kyle pulls back to puff. “Bedroom?” he asks between breaths. Phil nods eagerly and Kyle stands, pulling Phil off the couch with him.

They collapse onto Kyle’s bed and connect their lips together but not before Phil’s shirt is pulled over his head.

~~~~

When Phil wakes up, the first thing he’s aware of is the pounding in his head. The second thing is his apparent lack of clothes. He squeaks and sits up, looking around in a desperate attempt to work out where he is. This isn’t his bedroom or his flat.

When he sees the collection of sports trophies on the dresser, he remembers where he is. And then he remembers what happened the night before. A lump forms in his throat quickly and he looks to his side, seeing the bed empty.

He presses his hand into the mattress, smoothing out the sheets. They’re cold. Kyle’s been up for a while.

Phil stands and grabs his boxers that are next to the bed on the floor. He pulls the rest of his clothes on afterwards and pulls the bedroom door open. He sees Kyle sitting on the couch, staring out the window.

“Morning,” Phil says cautiously. Phil steps forward into Kyle’s view when he doesn’t answer. “Morning,” he says again, assuming Kyle just didn’t hear him.

Kyle looks up with cold eyes. Phil swallows around the lump in his throat. He’s suddenly thrown back to when they’d last slept together. How he sat on his couch and waited until Kyle came back. How Kyle had told him he was straight and that he couldn’t date Phil. None of Phil’s thoughts help him feel less sick to his stomach. The hangover probably doesn’t help.

“Um,” Phil says, not knowing what else to do. “Are we okay?” he asks hesitantly. It’s the most important thing right now. They can deal with the aftermath of this as long as they’re okay. Phil’s not sure he’ll cope if they aren’t. Kyle’s his best friend even after everything they’ve been through. He can’t lose him. He can’t.

“I’m sorry,” Kyle says. He doesn’t sound sorry, though. He sounds like he’s saying it because it’s expected. “You need to leave.”

“What? Why?”

“I’m not gay, Phil. We did this before. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Phil’s suddenly furious. “And you think kicking me out will hurt me less?” he demands, voice raised and hands balling into fists.

“I don’t know how to have this conversation. I need time, and space. Please, just, leave. This is hard enough as it is.”

Phil huffs. “You’re an asshole, Kyle. You know that?”

Phil turns and heads for the front door. He doesn’t get to see Kyle’s head drop as he nods in agreement. He scales the few flights of stairs down to the entrance and heads outside, shivering immediately.

It’s almost colder than last night.

But at the same time, maybe Phil just feels colder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Let me know what you think!


	8. Good News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes it’s been a while! This is my first week back and uni and have been spending a lot of time studying and working out a good system. I think I’ve found one so hopefully there will be chapters on Monday’s (excluding this coming one) from here on out; no promises though!
> 
> TW: Mentions of therapy, mention of prison & comas.

Phil manages to keep the tears in until he reaches his front door. He fumbles through his cloudy eyes to unlock the door but once he’s inside, he feels a lot safer. This is his place and no one can hurt him here. He ignores the fact that the last time he felt like this, the cause was in his lounge.

He chucks his backpack against the wall, too distracted to get his scrubs into the laundry basket. He goes to the kitchen and grabs a glass, filling it with water from the jug in the fridge. It’s refreshing as it rushes down his throat. He feels better even with that small action.

But then he immediately remembers why he doesn’t feel good in the first place and that dreaded feeling comes right back. He feels like he’s going to be sick but he knows he won’t be. Instead, he refills his drink and goes to the couch. He can’t deal with this right now.

He turns the TV on and puts on the latest anime he’d been watching. It doesn’t take him long to realise he’s not paying attention. Within five minutes, he pauses it and turns the TV back off.

His phone sits on the coffee table staring at him and Phil glares back. He picks it up and clicks it on, hoping for a message from Kyle. There’s nothing, but he knew there wouldn’t be.

Sighing, he stands up and exits the lounge, leaving his phone behind. He just wants to be in bed now, surrounded by his thick duvet that will protect him from the world

It can’t protect him from his feelings though. Once he’s in the bed, eyes closed, his mind replays that morning. It replays it again and again and each time, Phil feels just a little bit worse.

He’s in tears soon enough. His chest is aching and he wants his blanket to engulf him so he doesn’t have to feel like this anymore.

~~~~

Phil startles awake to hear his phone ringing from the other room. He groans and rubs his eyes. The sun streaming through the windows onto his face doesn’t even bother him.

His phone stops ringing and Phil smiles, happy he’s able to go back to sleep now. But seconds later, it goes off again and he groans louder.

He swings his legs out of bed, hating the cold air that attacks them. Once he’s in the lounge, he grabs his phone – which is quite low on battery – and checks the caller.

_Dr Forrest calling…_

“Shoot,” Phil whispers to himself.

He glances at the time and feels the panic in his chest come back. He’s late for work and not just by a little bit, by a whole two hours.

“Hello?” he asks, rubbing his face again to try and remove some more sleep.

“Dr Lester, where are you?” Dr Forrest asks, skipping any ‘how are you’s.

“I’m sorry. I overslept.”

Dr Forrest sighs and he swears he can _see_ her pity-filled face.

“Do you need the day off? I can manage without you, it’s no problem.”

Phil closes his eyes, thinking about going to work. Work itself doesn’t sound that bad. Seeing his co-workers, or one particular co-worker, on the other hand, fills his body with cold dread.

“Yes please,” Phil answers quietly.

He hears Dr Forrest hum. “Okay. You have a rest day. I’ll check in with your patients and update you tomorrow.” She pauses. “I’ll call if anything changes with Dan.”

Phil’s face scrunches up subconsciously. He’s already upset; he didn’t want to be reminded about Dan. But he’s no idiot. He knows he’s getting this day off because she thinks he needs it after everything with Dan. He’ll take it either way. Why doesn’t really matter; he just needs a day off from everything.

“Thank you,” he answers. “See you tomorrow.”

“Sounds good. Make sure you rest up.”

“I will. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Phil pulls the phone from his ear and watches the call screen until Dr Forrest hangs up a few seconds later. His phone flashes back to his notification centre but there’s nothing there.

~~~~

Phil spends the day milling around in his apartment. Well, he actually spends just the afternoon milling around his apartment. After his phone call, he crawls back into bed and falls asleep, thankfully before the tears can start this time.

It’s lunchtime when he wakes up and he goes to the kitchen to prepare a sandwich. He doesn’t think he can stomach anything else.

He realises as he eats that he’s surprisingly not hungover. He had a headache at Kyle’s but other than that, he hasn’t felt anything. He supposes their conversation was pretty sobering, though.

After lunch, Phil distracts himself with video games. He plays some Zelda, Mario Kart and a few other games that he has on his Xbox.

His thoughts like to travel, though, and for not the first time, he finds himself thinking about Kyle.

All things considered, Phil feels like he handled their break up well. It was his first-ever relationship and also the man he lost his virginity to. He’s come to terms with that fact.

He’s also come to terms with the fact that the reason for their break up is no one’s fault. Kyle thought he was bi but he’s not. It’s as simple as that. He can’t get mad at him for thinking his sexuality was one way and then discovering it was another. That’s just not fair.

But at the same time, Phil was hurt. He felt betrayed and unloved. But those feelings had faded over time. Phil had thrown himself into his work and slowly, he and Kyle became friends again. It took a lot of work for Phil to learn to trust him again, but it had happened.

Now, Phil’s not sure what to feel. Aside from the betrayal, Phil’s confused. Kyle had told him he was straight, or at least that he wasn’t bi. And he’s not gay either, Kyle said that just this morning. But the last Phil checked, completely straight guys don’t hook up with their male (and gay) best friends, no matter how drunk they are.

And the thought that Kyle might actually be gay or bi shouldn’t do anything to Phil. He’s over Kyle. Or at least he thought he was. But the thought of Kyle maybe being into men fills his chest with something he’s not entirely sure of but he thinks it might be hope.

But that’s ridiculous. Phil realises how ridiculous it is. Kyle made it clear that he doesn’t like men. Last night was a mistake on both their parts. Even the fluttering in Phil’s chest won’t convince him it wasn’t a mistake.

He decides he needs to distract himself. This spiral of thinking isn’t going to help him get over the last night. Kyle will come to him when he’s ready to talk, just like last time. There’s nothing Phil can do until Kyle’s ready.

Phil swears to himself that when that conversion happens, he’s going to be completely honest. If Kyle asks how he feels about him, he’s going to tell the truth – that he thought he was over him but he’s not sure anymore. Kyle can do with the information what he wants, Phil doesn’t really care. He just knows he needs to be as honest as possible.

~~~~

It’s cold out. That’s the first thing Phil notices when he steps out of his apartment building so he can take a walk. It’s cold enough that his mind goes blank as it tries to adjust to the new temperature. Phil appreciates the quiet and enjoys the cool breeze on his face. It’s relaxing and refreshing in a way he didn’t realise he needed.

Subconsciously, he makes his way towards the hospital. He feels weird as he passes a homeless person; he has the instinct to take his phone out and show the picture of Dan. He supposes it makes sense. That is exactly what he was doing just over 24 hours ago.

That thought is more bizarre than the instinct to look for Dan. So much has happened in such a short amount of time. Phil supposes a lot has happened in the short time since he met Dan. It’s hard to believe that was only a month and a half ago. It feels like it’s been at least three, at the bare minimum.

He can’t believe Dan’s in a coma, either. How did that even happen? He knows how it happened, obviously. He was attacked by his captors and left for dead. Phil swallows the lump in his throat as he thinks about Dan’s face, beaten and bruised.

He has to remind himself that Dan in a coma is a good thing, all things considered. Dan could have easily been found dead and then that’s it. His story’s over. Phil’s so glad that didn’t happen. Now, Dan gets another chance and Phil will be damned if he lets this one slip away like he did last time.

Another chance.

Phil swallows. Dan may not actually get another chance. Dan could very well be in a coma for the rest of his life and at some point, the hospital will deem it acceptable to remove his ventilator.

Phil pulls his hands up to his face and breathes hot air into them. Even through the gloves, his hands are freezing, as is the rest of his body. His face is even cold now. His hangover is entirely gone and the near-zero London air isn’t refreshing; it’s just cold.

“Dr Lester,” Maddy greets, surprised. Phil doesn’t blame her. Today’s his day off now and she no-doubt has been told that.

“Hi,” Phil says, waving awkwardly. “I’m just gonna go up, if that’s okay?”

“‘Course,” she says, nodding. Phil smiles at her and makes his way to the elevator.

Luckily, he avoids seeing Kyle on his short trip through the ED. He’s not sure what he’d do if he saw Kyle. Probably cry or scream or run away. Running away is Phil’s go-to response. He just avoids his problems. It’s kind of ironic – a psychiatry resident helping people manage their problems while actively avoiding his own.

Still, he’s thankful not to have to deal with Kyle just yet. While he’s come to terms that they’ll have to have a serious conversation at some point, he’s not quite ready yet and he doesn’t want it to happen at the hospital. He’d much prefer one of their houses or even Marcus’. He just doesn’t want to do it at work.

“Dr Lester,” Dr Forrest says, just as surprised as Maddy had been. “What are you going here?”

“I’m just dropping by. I wanted to visit Dan.”

Ruby nods. “I thought we agreed it best for you to have the day off,” she says. It’s almost a question but not quite.

“We did,” Phil answers, “but I got bored at home.”

“Do you not have any hobbies you could do?” Ruby gestures and they start walking down the hallway.

Phil shrugs. “Not really. I throw myself into working here.”

Dr Forrest pushes her office door open and stands aside so she can close it behind Phil.

“When did you last see Michael?” she asks gently.

Phil frowns. “I don’t know. A while. I haven’t needed to.”

“You know going to therapy is important for us too, right? You made great progress when we went to H.M.P. but I haven’t seen you do anything since.”

“What does this have to do with me coming in today?”

“Dr Lester,” Ruby starts, “I gave you the day off because I felt you needed it.”

Phil opens his mouth to interrupt but she puts her hand up, silencing him.

“Your work ethic is admirable, I admit, but you need a life outside of the hospital.”

“I have a life.”

“How many friends do you have, Dr Lester?”

He’s silent. She’s made her point. Phil only has one real friend and not only are they in an argument right now but he’s Phil’s co-worker.

“Why does it matter what I do outside of the hospital? It’s not affecting my work.”

“But it is affecting your mental health. I’ve seen you becoming more and more stressed with each day you’re here. For pity’s sake, you yelled at two nurses when you found out Dan was here in a coma.”

“I didn’t–”

“Dr Lester, if you don’t take the day off, I’m going to have to put you on leave. I don’t want to do that.”

“But–”

“Dr Lester,” she interrupts. Phil falls silent this time. “Take the day off.”

“I am. I’m just going to sit with Dan,” Phil says before adding, “as a civilian.”

Ruby sighs. “Book an appointment with Michael, Phil. And find some hobbies. You need things to de-stress and from what I can see, you don’t have any.”

“I do.”

Ruby’s pager goes off. She looks at it. “We’ll discuss this more later,” she tells Phil. “I’m needed in the ED.”

Phil nods. “Okay,” he says quietly, following her out of the room. 

She presses the down button on the elevator and Phil waits until the elevator leaves with her in it before pressing the up button.

~~~~

Phil sits with Dan until the end of the day. He doesn’t even leave for lunch, though that’s by accident. He wasn’t hungry and by the time he realised he was, it was way past mid-afternoon.

He’s surprised by how comforting it is to sit in Dan’s room. He knows from experience how uncomfortable the atmosphere can be in a room with a comatose patient. But he doesn’t feel any of that discomfort in Dan’s room. Phil’s not sure why.

Either way, Phil sits with Dan for hours and relaxes. Well, he’s not exactly relaxed. Every time he hears alarms go off he jolts, preparing himself to rush into one of the other ICU rooms. He sits back in his chair when he remembers he isn’t working right now. Sure, he’s happy to help out if he’s needed, but that’s not his job right now.

Phil’s distracted from the sound of the monotonous speaker repeatedly saying ‘code blue’ by movement out of the corner of his eye.

He stares at Dan as his heart beats faster in his chest. But nothing happens. Phil watches but there’s no movement. He keeps looking – keeps staring – and a minute later, Phil catches Dan’s leg twitch. It’s nothing big, comatose patients do it all the time, but it means Dan’s still in there. His brain is still in-tack enough to activate motor movements.

“Call for a neuro consult,” Phil says to the nurse just outside Dan’s room.

He looks up and stares at Phil, eyebrows furrowed. Phil realises it’s because he’s not in his uniform. He’s wearing a jumper with a polar bear on it and black skinny jeans. It’s not exactly hospital attire. Eventually, the nurse must recognise him as he nods and picks up the phone, pushing buttons into the stand as he does so.

A short while later, Dr McCann comes in.

“Dr Lester, what seems to be the problem?” she asks. Phil’s surprised she knows him. He very rarely interacts with the neurology team.

“Um, Dan twitched. I know that’s normal but, I don’t know, I thought getting another consult could be good.”

She looks at Phil sadly but he’s looking back at Dan before he can really notice. It’s good he does; he doesn’t want any more sad looks from anyone.

“Okay then,” she says.

She steps up next to Dan on his other side and begins her tests. “GCS six, not terrible,” she tells him. Phil knows anything lower than an eight means Dan’s medically comatose. He’s not sure why, he already knew that, but his heart still drops and he still feels a little bit sadder.

“Eyes are equal and reactive,” she continues. Phil doesn’t really remember what exactly that’s showing but he knows it’s good.

She tells him the results of some other tests before stepping away from the bed.

“He’s improving,” Dr McCann tells him. Phil releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “His GCS was four when I examined him yesterday. That improvement in,” she pauses and checks her watch, “almost thirty hours is a good sign. I’d say he’s likely to wake up.”

Phil smiles. “Thank you,” he says earnestly. He’s not sure he’s ever meant those two words more and he has no idea why he’s so thankful. It’s not like she improved his condition, she just tested it, but he’s very appreciative of her help anyway.

“Of course,” she says. “Have a nurse page me when he wakes up, okay?”

Phil nods and she smiles at him before leaving. Phil turns back to Dan.

Dr McCann said ‘when he wakes up’. Phil’s filled with a new sense of hope hearing her say those words. He didn’t realise it, but Dr Forrest’s use of the word ‘if’ had really dampened how he felt about Dan’s outcome. Now, he knows Dan’s going to be okay. He’ll wake up, probably soon, and Phil can take care of him.

~~~~

“Dr McCann says Dan will wake up,” Phil says, stopping next to Dr Forrest. They’re in the canteen and Dr Forrest is eating her microwave-ready dinner.

She turns and looks at him. “That’s good.”

Phil takes a seat. “It is,” he agrees, nodding.

“What’s the next step when he does?”

Phil thinks. “Trying to get him to agree to inpatient treatment.”

Dr Forrest nods approvingly. “I’m glad your involvement hasn’t clouded your reasoning.”

Phil’s not sure what she means by that but he ignores it.

“I need to talk to the lawyers and see what I can do about Dan staying with me,” Phil adds, curious to see what she thinks.

“I thought we just said we were going to have him do inpatient?”

Phil nods. “We did. But if he doesn’t accept it, he needs somewhere to stay. And even if he does, he’ll need somewhere when he gets out of treatment.”

“Dr Lester, you really are too involved in this case.”

“He’s my patient,” Phil says. “I care about him.”

Dr Forrest stares at him for too long before sighing. “Okay.”

After their short conversation, Phil goes to the legal department. It takes a while for him to plead his case and even once he’s finished, they’re hesitant to allow the situation.

It’s dumb because they aren’t even worried about his or Dan’s wellbeing or their relationship. They’re worried that if people find out, they’ll think Dan’s getting special treatment from the hospital and they don’t want to open themselves up to legal problems.

Phil tries to insist that there are no problems that can come from it. At least, there are no more problems than could come from ED doctors treating friends and family. Phil knows for a fact that people related to the doctors or nurses get special treatment; that’s just a fact.

If, say, Dr Baker’s dad came into the hospital, they’d treat him sooner than someone else with the same condition. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, they still go through triage, but they’re certainly treated differently to general civilians.

Phil doesn’t really understand the problem. He understands that it can be inappropriate for doctors and patients to date while those titles are still being held. It could be seen as coercion or a number of other unethical practices.

But Phil isn’t dating Dan. They aren’t even friends, really. While the term ‘patient’ doesn’t feel encapsulating, it’s technically what Dan is to Phil. On paper, he’s nothing more than another one of Dan’s patients.

Phil proposes a hypothetical to the legal department. They aren’t happy – they tend to hate hypotheticals because it’s too philosophical for their technicalities – but they agree to let Phil speak.

He asks them that, if Dan was treated by another doctor, and if Phil wasn’t involved anymore, if there would be a problem. Initially, they agree there would be.

Phil asks if he had met Dan outside the hospital and happened to find out he was being treated by one of Phil’s colleagues, if it would be a problem. They say it wouldn’t be, but that it’s irrelevant because Phil didn’t meet Dan on the street.

Then Phil gives his final argument. Well, his final hypothetical scenario. If he treated Dan, then suffered a head injury, resulting in him forgetting about Dan, and they meet again outside the hospital, if it would be acceptable. After ten minutes of deliberation, they agree that it wouldn’t be against hospital policy.

“So if I stopped treating Dan and met him, say, a week after he wakes up, why would it not be okay to have him stay with me? That’s the same as treating him and then meeting again outside the hospital, is it not?”

The head of the legal department begins raising questions and discussing with his team. Phil stands awkwardly in the middle of the room. After a few minutes, they send Phil out of the room. They tell him to wait outside and not go anywhere. Phil’s not sure why it matters but it’s not like he planned on leaving until he got his answer anyway.

He sits and stares at his phone. There’s still no message from Kyle and the suns set now. Checking the time, he realises the legal department shouldn’t even be here. He’s glad they are, though. He’s not sure he could wait until tomorrow to get his answer.

But back to Kyle, who still hasn’t messaged him. Phil decides a day is enough time and opens up his messages.

_6:57 pm - To Kyle: Hey… Are we okay? I’m happy to talk if you want to, just want to know we’re alright._

Phil pockets his phone when the door to the meeting room opens. The head of the legal department comes out, followed by the other men and one woman in the room.

“We’ve concluded that, under the circumstances, it would be appropriate for Daniel to stay with you during his treatment as long as you do not have any position of authority. If Daniel is to stay with you, you must maintain a civilian role in his care here.”

Phil gives a big sigh of relief. He stands up. “Thank you,” he says, holding his hand out to shake.

“Of course. Please do not cause any trouble for us, though. This is barely within the limits of UCH policy.”

Phil nods and salutes. “I swear.”

The man gives Phil a confused look before he turns and walks away. The other legal department members follow him, talking amongst themselves.

Phil turns back towards the elevator. He needs to go see Dan. He’ll tell Dr Forrest later. Right now, he just needs to be by Dan’s side. After all, he could wake up at any moment.

He tries to remind himself it’s not likely to be today. But at the same time, he never knows. He’s seen more miraculous things happen before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? I hope you’re all excited by the good news in this chapter!


End file.
